A male colleague came to my workstation asking if I had called someone for the meeting. Without taking my eyes off the screen, I said I had. But despite me giving him an answer, I found he was still standing there. When I looked up, I found him staring—at my chest, as if he was expecting it to answer him back.
Feeling uncomfortable has, I realised, become the quotidian of my existence.
“Yes,” I ultimately responded to him. “I have called them. Anything else you want to ask?” Ultimately, my firm tone and reaction made him leave my desk but I kept wondering if the double X chromosomes meant receiving statutory episodes of harassment in an intimidating all-male office?
It was dispiriting that my competence and capability to work just like the opposite gender was not accepted by default
It was a series of similar incidents that made me realize that perhaps I should be inwardly prepared for the reality of working in an all-male office where I would be harassed. Of course, I never started this job with such an outlook. The intimidating atmosphere never got to me when I first walked in. I never really mentally segregated the term ‘employees’ with respect to gender. I viewed them all as my colleagues and teammates.
But, on the other hand, I was repeatedly introduced as the first-ever female employed at the Peshawar office for my company. My placement was also, many times, ceremoniously broadcast by the organization so it would be applauded for being progressive. I was told that it was a sheer master stroke for them to have hired me. The diversity was not, as I discovered, something that the company’s other employees had mentally absorbed or accepted.
Having a woman as a co-worker for the first time made my colleagues behave strangely around me. It was dispiriting that my competence and capability to work just like the opposite gender was not accepted by default. Diversity never meant only checking off the boxes for all genders at a workplace only to have it classified as ‘diverse’. It comes with a deeper meaning of inclusion that I saw clearly being neglected.
I would talk to their faces and they used to talk to my breasts. When I would pass them an important document lying on my desk they would make it a point to brush their fingers against mine. I started receiving text messages from them clearly mentioning their sexual fantasies. I responded that it would be better if they timed their text messaging from 9am to 5pm as after that they needed to give time to their wives at home.
On another front, the company disappointed when it came to really catering to diversity: I had to use men-sized protective gear, which we needed as the job entailed hazards. No female-sized gear was made available. And yet, I was expected to perform as well as the men.
Choosing a profession that entails a male-dominated job definitely earns me more money. But I discovered this meant working in a place where employing females means collateral advantages for male coworkers. Every day, I work hard to be seen as a competent and productive members of the workforce. Every day, I work hard to establish the doctrine that gender does not specify one’s productivity. Every day I go to my ‘diversified’ office and advocate hiring more women. And no I don’t ‘womansplain’, I elucidate what makes me uncomfortable and I am under no obligation to feel daunted at my workplace.