Ittefaq Nama

Last night, I had terrible nightmare. In it, Mr Bean, my senior minister, had been promoted to Major General and had shifted in with me at PM House. In dead of night, I tried to escape but Mr Bean caught me. “Where you are going, Mian Sahab?” “Who me?” I asked nervously. “YES YOU!” Mr Bean shouted. “Actually, I am going to do bathroom”. “With seven Louis Vuitton suitcases, a treadmill and a fridge?” I thought uff pakray gaye, might as well tell the truth. “I am trying to escape, Mr Bean”. “Why?” he demanded. “Two reasons. Fustly, if generals are selective about anti-corruption drive and don’t extend it beyond Sindh, everyone will blame me”. “Nonsense!” Mr Bean fulminated, “the generals are stronger than ever. They will cleanse all of Pakistan”. “That’s my other reason for trying to escape,” I admitted.

Mr Bean didn’t give up. He kept pestering me. “Fact is, Mian Sahab, they’re more capable than you of running the country. They will soon be saviours of Pakistan again”. “That’s fine”, I said, “now please let me go to London”. “Fact is, you haven’t proved your capability. Let me ask you a simple question: what is two plus two?” “Whatever the generals says it is,” I answered. “That is the correct answer”, Mr Bean said, “you can remain PM for a few more days.”

I rolled my Louis Vuitton suitcases back to PM’s room and spent an uneasy night. Naxt day, Mr Bean took class of entire cabinet. He lectured us on superb rule of generals in decades past. My finance minister Ishaq Dar asked, “Mr Bean, what you say is interesting but where have all the television channels gone?” With that Mr Bean said class is over and go back to work, everyone. Naxt day, he lectured us again about superb rule of generals. Surcharge Aziz Saab said, “Mr Bean, I don’t want to know what’s happened to the TV channels but can you please tell me what’s happened to Ishaq Dar?”