In our daily life we come across people who have the habit of talking incessantly. To engage with them is a one-way street from which there is no turning back or escape. I see such people almost every day, in places of work, in restaurants, at airports and at sporting events, to name a few.
In the fifth voyage of Sinbad the Sailor he is alone on an island after a shipwreck. As he wanders around the island he hears strange noise. He pursues the sound and finds an old, dishevelled man babbling in a language Sinbad did not comprehend. He also noticed that the man was unable to get up and walk. His legs were thin and floppy as if they did not have any bones.
The old man begged Sindbad to carry him on his shoulders and get him some water and food. Out of sympathy for a disabled human being, Sindbad hoisted him up on his shoulders. Once the man was seated, he tightened his legs around Sinbad’s neck to the point of choking him.
From that point, the man dictated Sinbad what to do. The man would never loosen his chokehold even while sleeping. Later, I will mention how Sinbad got out of his predicament.
I am sure most of us have had the experience where someone with way too much to say wraps his or her tongue around our collective necks and would not permit for us a say a word, even edgewise.
The late Farigh Bukhari, a renowned Urdu poet and writer from Peshawar, in his book of profiles (Doosra Album) describes the poet Sabha Lakhnavi where the entire profile is written in Lakhnavi’s words. Bukhari did not add a single word of his to the lengthy profile.
I once knew a Greek surgeon who was in the habit of talking nonstop during his waking hours. He was obsessed with Greek history and Greek civilisation. If someone mentioned the Khyber Pass, he would do his best to connect the famous pass with Greece
Lakhnavi, as was his habit, talked non-stop during their encounters. He appropriately titled the profile Pir-e-Tasma Pa (the old man with floppy legs).
Such talkers wrap their long tongues around others’ proverbial necks and talk incessantly. I have had more than my share of such people.
Several years ago, a professor in my university wanted to bounce off ideas about a book he was planning to write. I invited him for dinner and conversation at my home. After the pleasantries, I asked him about the book idea. Thereafter he gave me a long lecture on the subject he was considering for the book. During the one-sided monologue, he did not ask me a single question. When he finished, he thanked me for the conversation and my interest in his project. We did not have a conversation; he gave me a lecture.
Many years ago, I attended an elegant wedding at the Toledo Museum of Art. At our table I knew a few people bur did not know the rest. I have learned over the years that such occasions are great in meeting people and learning from them. It is my habit to go around the table and introduce myself, which I did.
There was this middle aged gentleman who had come from another town. After the introductions I came back to my seat and to spark some conversation I asked him to tell us something about himself. He told us that he owned a car dealership in Cleveland another city in our state of Ohio.
For the next 30-minutes, he told us about his Palestinian background and the philanthropic work he had done and the schools he was financing on the West Bank and on and on and on. After about 15 minutes, the rest of the table lost interest and started talking to each other. During a pause I barged in and said that he had not asked me as to what I do. He said, “Oh, yes, I did not.” And then he asked me what I did. To that, I smiled and answered, “Nothing.”
He got the message and ceased aggrandising himself. Good food and good conversation go hand in hand in getting to know people. But when someone opens the floodgates of one-sided conversation, it is hard to stop the cascade.
I once knew a Greek surgeon who was in the habit of talking nonstop during his waking hours. He was obsessed with Greek history and Greek civilisation. If someone mentioned the Khyber Pass, he would do his best to connect the famous pass with Greece. To him everything in the world, modern science, literature, cultures, and what not was due to Greek civilisation. And he would go any length to prove the connection no matter tenuous the link might be. In the hospital, his colleagues would avoid him because of his monologues and his preoccupation with Greek history.
Then there was a retired high civil servant who was appointed the chair of provincial Public Service Commission in Khyber-Pakhtunkhwa. He had deep knowledge of religion and would not let any opportunity pass without asserting his religious and bureaucratic knowledge. Now the irony was that while interviewing candidates for government jobs, he would take the lead in asking questions and would start correcting candidates and follow with a 15–20-minute monologue on the subject. I have no idea how he selected the candidates.
Once I attended a literary gathering in Peshawar that celebrated the accomplishments of a few writers and poets. A professor from a local college was the stage secretary whose task was to introduce the honourees. Now the job of a stage secretary is to introduce the speakers in brief but meaningful words. Instead, the professor sahib started introducing the speakers in a long-winded speech full of poetic references and literary metaphors. I am sure the honourees were also surprised and wondered who the professor was talking about.
He just had too much knowledge and wanted to spill it all out no matter what the occasion or the context.
Occasionally I would get a phone call from a friend who loves to talk. Now after 10 minutes or so, I am ready to hang up, but the friend wants to continue. He would repeatedly ask: “So, what else is new?”
“Nothing,” I would say, but that does not seem to satisfy.
In Pashto, it is “Nor Wia” (tell me more) and in Hindko “Halla Hor” (Ok, what else). My family in Peshawar knows that when it comes to Halla Hor, I have nothing more to add to the conversation.
Unfortunately, compulsive talkers or talkaholics are not aware of why people avoid them. Self-realisation, an integral part of human beings, is somehow missing here. And really there is nothing anybody can do to change their behaviour. They are just wired that way. It will be helpful of they would touch their tongue with their palate and leave it there.
Now back to Sindbad, and how he got rid of the demon riding on his shoulders. He mixed crushed grapes with some water and let it ferment in a gourd. He then let the old man drink the intoxicating beverage. The man loved the taste and became inebriated. That is when Sindbad untangled himself from the man, found a rock and smashed his head.
In a civilised world we don’t do that. Unfortunately, we continue to suffer when some talkaholic wraps his tongue around our neck and would not let go.