One of my UK supporters was over the other day but his trip was ruined by his spoilt brat daughter’s email. He showed it to me: “Daddyji, I’m coming home to London to get married soon, so get your checkbook ready LOL! As you know, I’m in Manchester and he’s in the US. We met on a dating site, became friends on Facebook. Had long chats on Whatsapp. He proposed to me on Skype and now we’ve had a two month relationship through Viber. Daddyji, I need your blessings and your duas, and a really big, fat, expensive desi wedding. Lots of love, Farah”.

The poor guy was really crushed. “Oh for God’s sake, don’t worry”, I said, “I’ll draft your reply”.

“Farah beta, like wow! Really? Cool! Whatever … I suggest you two should get married on Twitter, have fun on Tango, register for all your needs on Amazon and pay for it all through PayPal. And when you get fed up with this husband of yours, you can sell him on eBay.”

Look at what’s happening in Saudi Arabia. How the mighty are fallen! They’re imprisoned in a bricked up Ritz Carlton with Masterfoam mattresses on the floor and those cheapy orange and brown Chinese blankets with dragons on them. I hope they’ve got books to read, apart from the Holy Quran of course. If I were MBS (Prince Muhammad bin Salman), who’s putsch for power this is, I’d give them that famous play of Shakespeare’s “The Turning Of The Screw”.

How awful for that gold-plated multi-billionaire Al Waleed bin Talal to be sleeping on a gadda on the floor with a 100% polyester Chinese blanket! And then Prince Saud bin Abdul Aziz Al Saud having been imprisoned along with Prince Abdul Aziz bin Saud bin Abdul Aziz al Saud and Prince Aziz bin Abdul Aziz bin Saud al Saud and Prince Muhammad bin Saud bin Abdul Aziz Al Saud and Prince Saud bin Muhammad bin Abdul Aziz al Saud. Phew! I bet the jailers are mixed up!

Im the Dim