Ittefaq Nama

I called up my No. 1 contact in PTI and told him I was going to release the video. There was shart silence followed by a lord thud. Then someone snatched phone and stammered, “P-p-please don’t do that, Mian Saab”. I asked, “who you are?” He said, “I am your contact No. 2 in PTI”. “What happened to No. 1?” “You didn’t hear the loud thud? That was No. 1 fainting when you threatened to release his video”.

It is season of videos. I have several in my possession. They are all neatly labeled and in my safe. The longest one is called “Hum Aapkay Hain Kaun? Two Government Ministers In Dialogue With Rana Sanaullah”. Another one is “Main Hoon Na? SMQ Offering His Services”. Yet another is “Jab We Met. Secret Encounter Between Pervez Khattak & Pervez Rashid”.

My videos are not just Bollywood themed ones. There are also many Hollywood themed recordings. For example, “Titanic: Statement Of Disenchanted PTI Legislators Admitting that Government Is Cruising Towards Iceberg”. I also have a video entitled “Psycho: Confessions Of A Practitioner Of Dark Arts At House On Hill”. Then there is a very interesting one, “Gone With The Wind: PTI Backbenchers Taking Advance Payment”. The most fascinating one is “Rocky: Source Revealing Up & Down Relationship Between No 1 and Mr Khan”. And the one that is most significant for me “The Godfather: Confessions Of A Judge On How He Was Made To Come To Certain Conclusions”.

Finally, there is The Mother Of All Videos: “Jurassic Pak: Declaration Of Chinese VVIP On How Pakistan Has Been Dragged Back To Pre-History.”

I have also heard that The Boyz are planning to present a bill in Parliament entitled: “Repeal Of Oppressed Members Act (MNAs Shall Be Allowed To Vote According To Their Conscience In Case We Want An In-House Change)”. Mashallah.

NS