Nuggets from the Urdu press

These nuggets are culled from the Urdu press. They are summarised here without comment. Absurd or ridiculous, tft takes no responsibility for them. Illustrations by Saadia Gardezi

Nuggets from the Urdu press

A novel solution


Reported in Jang (August 25, 2014), politician Mahmood Khan Achakzai has proposed a novel solution (anokha hal) to the crisis in Islamabad – Nawaz Sharif should go for Hajj, Imran Khan should go to his first or second wife and Tahirul Qadri should go back to Canada for six months.

Hamaira Asrshad wants revolution 


Reported in Dunya (August 25, 2014), famous singer Humaira Arshad has announced support for Imran Khan and Tahirul Qadri. She says when artists are dying of hunger, the government doesn’t care (koi poochta nahee), but when they make money, the government arrives to collect taxes.

‘Allah is the third umpire’


Reported in Express (August 26, 2014),  during a hearing about the political crisis in Islamabad in the Supreme Court, Justice Jawad S Khwaja said the complainant believes Imran Khan was referring to the army when he spoke of intervention by the ‘third umpire’. PTI’s lawyer Hamid Khan said Imran was referring to Allah.

If the petitioner doesn’t like music...


Express reports (August 27, 2014) that the Islamabad High Court dismissed a petition against TV coverage of music and dancing in PTI’s protests, and fined the petitioner (Shohada Foundation) Rs 5,000 for wasting the court’s time. Justice Athar Minallah said the court had hundreds of fundamental rights cases to deal with. If the petitioner does not like music, they should change the channel.

Cop withdraws allegiance to PTI the next morning


According to Jang (August 28, 2014), a policeman who had announced joining the PTI in a sit-in at Lahore’s Liberty Chowk and donated his salary to the party fund withdrew his announcement the next morning. He said he was intoxicated.

‘Pervaiz Elahi bought shrouds for Qadri’s revolutionaries’


Reported in Dunya (August 29, 2014), intelligence agencies (hassaas idaray) told the government in a secret report that the thousands of meters of white cloth (laththa) that Tahirul Qadri’s followers were wearing as their symbolic shroud had been bought from Islamabad’s cloth markets and provided to PAT leaders by Chaudhry Pervaiz Elahi.

Prime minister accused of stealing mobile phones and purses


According to Nawa-e-Waqt (August 29, 2014), for the first time in Pakistan’s history, the prime minister, the Punjab chief minister, and important federal and provincial ministers have been accused of stealing mobile phones. In the FIR of the killing of PAT workers in Model Town, they have also been accused of snatching women’s purses.

Late prayers in a state of war


Reported in Dunya (August 30, 2014) when the Leader of Opposition Khurshid Shah was asked to wind up his National Assembly speech because time was running out for the Friday prayers, he said Qaza prayers were permissible in a state of war.

PTI legislator says he will not resign


Quoted in Nawa-e-Waqt (August 30, 2014) PTI parliamentarian Gulzar Khan says he did not resign from the National Assembly and that was not a violation of party discipline. Those who violate party discipline are to be served notice. It is against democratic norms to expel them from the party. I will not resign even if Imran Khan throws me out of the party.

Imran bowed down to Iftikhar Choudhry: Zardari 


Quoted in Nawa-e-Waqt (August 31, 2014) former president Asif Zardari says if Imran Khan had not bowed down to former chief justice Iftikhar Chaudhry on August 28, 2013, it wouldn’t have come to this (yeh nobat na aati).

Taliban encouraged by Islamabad protests: Fazlullah


Quoted in Jang (September 1, 2014), Taliban emir Mullah Fazlullah says 30,000 people have captured Islamabad. They have made it easy for us.

How PTV was vandalized 


Reported in Express (September 2, 2014) the protesters who attacked the PTI headquarters in Islamabad stole food from the cafeteria and prayer mats from the mosque. While some of them vandalized the premises, others lay down on the sofas. PTV anchor Uzma Bukhari says when she identified herself at the check post set up by the protestors, they pushed her, pulled off her dupatta, and took away her wallet and mobile phone.