Diary of a Social Butterfly

Mulloo’s daughter Irum, she’s become a vegan. Apparently they are vegetarians who don’t drink milk or eat cheese and butter shutter. Basically just total kill joys. On top she’s also become something called a climate activist. That’s someone who wears same clothes for years, won’t ride on planes and gives long boring lectures at dinner parties to other poor guests about things like floods and fires and global warning. And gets shouty if anyone says kay life is for enjoying and what goes of ours if polar ice cabs are melting. Anyways Irum’s twenty first birthday is coming so Mulloo called to ask kay bhai what she should give her as a present. ‘You can’t go wrong with a Chanel ka bag,’ I said. ‘Black or gold leather is best. Goes with everything’. ‘She’s vegan,’ said Mulloo. ‘She doesn’t wear leather’. ‘So who’s asking her to wear the bag on her head? All she has to do is to carry it baba. Or better still, display it on the coffee table whenever she’s invited to a kitty party.’

‘She doesn’t do kitty parties and she won’t even carry a leather bag’. ‘So how about a pair of one carrot diamond tops? Two carrots at her age looks like you’re smugglers and half carrot looks like you’re losers. But one carrot chaloes’. ‘Hai no! She’ll ask me a hundred questions about whether they are blood diamonds and then she’ll shout at me for causing wars and suffering in Sara Lone.’

‘Who’s Sara Lone?’ ‘It’s a ghareeb African country that has diamonds.’

‘How can you have diamonds and be ghareeb? Also Mulloo, it’s not like Tony and you are generals or anything who can start wars vaghera’. ‘Never mind,’ sighed Mulloo. ‘Any other suggestions?’ ‘Get her a kaam vaala designer jora. She can wear it for at least one full wedding season before people start noticing kay she’s repeating’. ‘She’ll kill me. She says fashion is number one pollutant industry. Give a good suggestion na’. ‘Okay here’s a good suggestion then – just give her two tights slaps for her birthday.’ Ub aur kya? Thanks God, vaisay, that I don’t have such a spoilt demanding daughter!