Vaisay poor Imran he’s got his hands full of these days. With his infernal party elections. And also rats. Apparently rats have over runned the whole of KP but in Peshawar they’ve been attacking children and gobbling up everything – rice and meats and lather and clothes and even books. So now they’ve devoured so many books they’ve become very intelligent rats and also suna hai they are very big rats. Much bigger, Mulloo, was telling me than our poor Punjoo rats which are dark and small.
‘Natch, Mulloo’, I said, ‘after all, the ones in Peshawar are Pathan rats so obviously they are going to be bigger and fairer. It’s genital, na.’
‘No, no,’ she responsed ‘you don’t understand. These are no ordinary rats. They have been generically mollified and deliberately released into Peshawar.’
‘But released by whom?’
‘By Nawaz Sharif,’ she whispered.
‘Haw,’ I whispered back.
‘We think so he’s imported them from India.’
‘But surely if they were Indian rats they would be vegetarians?’ I asked.
‘Hmm, kehti tau tum theek ho,’ she said. ‘Maybe they’ve been sent by CIA from Israel.’
‘Haw,’ I said. ‘But if they’ve come from Israel why are they devouring Urdu books?’
‘Bhai because they are very clever in Israel. They say Jewish people na they’ve won more Noble prizes than anyone else. So naturally they can also speak many languages. But I think so Imran is going to deal with them good and proper.’
‘The Israelis?’
‘No, the rats.’
‘You mean like the Pied Piper? Maybe he’ll send them all to Panama.’