Howzzat

My dog Sheru is in a terrible mood these days. He won’t come for walks. He spurns his food. He refuses to greet me boisterously as before. What IS the matter with him, I thought. As you know, I have access to the best practitioners of the dark arts, but I decided not be in-house about this and consulted a professional dog whisperer. The latter revealed to me that Sheru was upset at not being nominated for the Senate. I was struck with guilt. How remiss of me. I mean he’s the most deserving candidate, given his unflinching loyalty to the Party. I resolved to do the needful without delay. But easier said than done. For some inexplicable reason, my task of nominating Sheru seems to be jinxed.

First I put it to the Vice Chairman of the Party. (Sadly, he’s not at all your typical Chairman of Vice. Very boring). Anyway, the minute I suggested Sheru’s name for the Senate, he sputtered, “b-b-but, how can we do that?” I said, “why not?” “W-w-whelll, he’s a, a … a” “He’s what?” I demanded to know. “I m-m-mean, he’s very sweet but he’s a a a d-d-d” “He’s whattttt?” I asked stridently. “I w-w-was just thinking that … er … surely, since he’s a a …” I turned on my heel and left, leaving the VC sputtering and stammering. Next I asked the General Secretary to come over. He bounced in, all hale and hearty. The minute I mentioned Sheru’s candidature, he started sneezing, coughing and sweating and claiming he needed to get tested for COVID. Naturally, I freaked out and told him to leave. AT ONCE. He fled so fast, it was incredible.

I then decided that enough was enough so I called Sheeda Tully to tell him that he would be proposing Sheru. He paused for a second before expressing his unbounded joy. But in mid-sentence, he started shrieking, “May Day! May Day! There’s bum in your office. Vacate! Vacate!” So I had to make a dash for it and leave the nomination of Sheru for later.

Im the Dim