Nuggets from the Urdu press

These nuggets are culled from the Urdu press. They are summarised here without comment. Absurd or ridiculous, tft takes no responsibility for them. Illustrations by Saadia Gardezi

Nuggets from the Urdu press

Slaughtering a dead buffalo


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Reported in Jang (November 6, 2014), a butcher in Raiwind was slaughtering a dead buffalo pretending it is alive. Citizens caught him red handed and got him arrested.

Anti-corruption officer removed for corruption


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According to Express (November 6, 2014), a director in the Anti Corruption Department was removed for corruption. He had been seeking bribes from government officers.

Shah Mehmood Qureshi crosses over to India


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After the flag-lowering ceremony in Wagah, Shah Mehmood Qureshi was shaking hands with Indian citizens when he accidentally crossed the zero line over to India (Dunya, November 7, 2014). A Rangers soldier pulled him back to the Pakistani side immediately.

Fight breaks out between PTI factions at Wagah


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According to Jang (November 7 2014) a fight broke out between two factions of Tehrik-e-Insaf during their visit to the Wagah border. The leader of their youth wing said Abdul Aleem Khan pushed them to keep the away from Shah Mehmood Qureshi. When they protested outside his office, his guards fired at them and beat them up. The youth wing workers went to the police (thanay pohonch gaye).

Prisoner jumps from water tank after talks with lover fail 


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Dunya reports (November 8, 2014) a prisoner in Multan jail climbed a 200-foot high water tank and threatened to jump down if he weren’t allowed to meet his lover. She was called from the women’s jail. He asked why she did not love him any longer, and tried to hang himself with a rope, but the guards saved him.

Punjab University students disappear in Germany


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Two students of Punjab University went to Germany with a delegation, but did not come back, reports Nai Baat (November 8, 2014). They were found and arrested by German police, and have asked for asylum.

Artist complains politicians begin their own show at 8


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Quoted in Express (November 9, 2014) famous actress Zeba Shahnaz says before the artists begin their plays at 8pm, politicians start their own show. They seem like a bickering family (nand bhawaj ki larrai).

Modi's website defaced with ‘Go Nawaz Go’


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Reported in Nai Baat (November 9, 2014) a Pakistani hacker defaced Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi’s website, and wrote Long live Pakistan (Pakistan Zindabad) and Go Nawaz Go on it.

Facebook miracle marriage


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Reported in Jang (November 10, 2014), In a Facebook miracle  (Facebook ka karishma) a man from Hunza and the Indian grand daughter of former chief justice Robert Cornelius met online and fell in love. They two got married in Indian city Indore.

Meera upset after Ali Zafar declines role in her film


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According to Dunya (November 11, 2014)  Ali Zafar has declined to work in Meera’s movie (saaf jawab de diya). Meera says he should be boycotted because he works in B and C grade movies in India but is so proud (takabbur ka ye alam hai) that he wouldn’t even work with Shan.

Imran Khan digressed in heat of the moment


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Quoted in Express (November 11, 2014) PTI leader Hamid Khan says Imran Khan called for the inclusion of intelligence agencies in a probe into electoral rigging in the spur of the moment (rawani main keh gai). Afzal Khan’s statements have made Justice Tasadduq Jilani controversial, but I do not think Afzal Khan is credible.

Whitewash at Lahore education board 


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Reported in Nai Baat (November 11, 2014) the Lahore Board of Education paid Rs 7.6 million to a contractor to whitewash its building. The contractor whitewashed only two floors out of eight and ran away. The board whitewashed the funds (choona laga diya).