Nuggets from the Urdu press

These nuggets are culled from the Urdu press. They are summarised here without comment. Absurd or ridiculous, tft takes no responsibility for them. Illustrations by Saadia Gardezi

Nuggets from the Urdu press

Fisticuffs at the FBR Office


Reported in Express (December 25, 2014) workers at the Federal Bureau of Revenue office in Lahore were told to park their cars outside the premises because of security concerns. They disagreed, and the quarrel turned into a fistfight between union leaders and senior officers. When the police arrived, the union leaders began fighting with them. Several men were taken into custody.

Accused beaten up over bail plea


Reported in Nai Baat (December 25, 2014), when three accused men appeared in a court for a bail hearing in Lahore, a group of lawyers arrived suddenly and began to beat them up (tashaddud ka nishana banaya). Senior lawyers intervened (muamla rafa dafa kara diya), but the men were injured (buri tarah zakhmi). Their bail plea was also rejected.

Nawaz Sharif’s grandson turns out Imran Khan fan


According to Express (December 26, 2014) Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif’s grandson has turned out to be an Imran Khan fan. During a meeting of political leaders at Prime Minister’s House, he asked for a photograph with Imran Khan, to which Khan happily agreed (bachay ki khwahish ko khushi se qabool kiya).

HEC gets back laptops from students who lied


Jang reports (December 26, 2014) students who had lied about their academic record to get free laptops have begun to return them after the Higher Education threatened legal action (qanooni karwai ki dhamki kaam kar gai). The highest number of laptops were returned from Bahauddin Zakariya University Multan (57) followed by UET Lahore (45).

One-way violators shoot at traffic cop


When a traffic warden in Lahore stopped two men riding a motorcycle for driving the wrong way down a one-way road, they began to fire at him, reports Dunya (December 27, 2014). He had a narrow escape (baal baal bach gya) and the men were able to flee.

50 million Sharabis in Pakistan


There has been a worrying increase (tashweeshnak izafa) in the number of people who consume liquor (sharabi) in Pakistan in the last five years, according to a government-commissioned study cited in Jang (December 27, 2014).  More than 50 million men, women and young adults consume liquor in the country, of which 20 million drink every day, and another 20 million drink at least once a week.

ISIS threat turns out to be from trader’s employee


Reported in Jang (December 28, 2014) a trader received an anonymous phone call claiming to be from ISIS, threatening to kill his wife and children if he did not pay them Rs 2 million. The police arrested his employee on suspicion. They were such good hosts (mehmaan nawazi) that he admitted it was him. He said he needed the money to build a house.

PPP’s hunger games


According to Nawa-e-Waqt (December 28, 2014) people’s party workers (jiyalay) attacked the food (toot parray) leading to chaos (hangama aarai, badnazmi) in the various events to commemorate Benazir Bhutto. In Multan, they attacked the motorcycle rickshaw carrying packets of rice for them. Many of the packets split open and the rice spilled on the road. In Sukkur, they attacked the food like they were attacking an enemy. In Gujranwala, they robbed the waiters before the food reached the tables. Some were able to snatch a leg piece, while others continued to run after naans.

Police gets beaten up at wedding 


A police team that arrived at a Henna ceremony in Kamonki after reports that they were firing gunshots were locked up and tortured, Dunya reports (December 29, 2014). They broke the stationhouse officer’s head hitting him with bricks, and held four cops hostage and tortured them. A larger police party rescued them and arrested 20. The bridegroom has taken the bride to an unknown location to avoid arrest.

8,000 bottles of imported liquor disappear from police custody


Reported in Nawa-e-Waqt (December 29, 2014) police had seized two trucks of imported liquor in Raiwind, but the stationhouse officer made the original 8,000 bottles disappear (ghayab kar deen) and claimed they had seized poisonous local liquor.

No laptop, no degree


In order to stop university students from selling the free laptops given by the government, the Higher Education Commission has made it compulsory for students to show their laptops to the authorities before they get their degrees, Dunya reports (December 30, 2014). They will not get their degrees if they do not have their laptops. If the laptop has been stolen, they must show a copy of the police report.

Two caught cutting dead donkey for meat


According to Express (December 30, 2014) two men were caught red handed cutting a dead donkey into pieces to sell the meat. The owner of the donkey had shot it dead because it was sick. Farmers watering their fields at night discovered that the men had skinned the donkey and were cutting the meat. They informed the police.