A Woman Can Have It All

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2022-10-23T14:51:53+05:00 Safinah Danish Elahi
When someone from the United States Embassy called me back in March 2022 and notified me that I was being nominated along with 116 other participants (in the nomination) I was surprised and pleased with the information. They asked me if I could spend ten weeks in America for a prestigious and the oldest residency in the world, the International Writers Program at the University of Iowa, where only one person from Pakistan gets selected every year, my initial thought was no way. ‘No way’ not meaning how am I selected, although that’s what I felt too, but mostly ‘no way’ because who was going to look after the children?

Fast forward four months, I board a flight to the land of dreams, an opportunity unique to connect with the brilliant minds of the world, thirty-two writers from all parts of the globe. I did not have any pre-conceived notions about how the residency would be, where I would stay, how much time we had to spend attending events, doing panels and readings or teaching classes. Earlier when the emails had come, I inattentively selected options that attracted me then, a pretty much yes to everything. I was going to make this time away from my family count. And count I did.



I met Cherie Jones on my flight to Cedar Rapids from Dallas. I had found out she had also been on the same flight as me which had been delayed a day. I quickly googled her, while introducing myself. Her book was short-listed for the Women’s Fiction Prize, and here I was waiting for my luggage with her! Cherie is from Barbados, the country by the water known for its tourism which is what her debut novel is also about, The One Armed Sister Sweeps the Floor. Cherie and I became fast friends, she is my frozen yogurt buddy, my going-to-readings partner and discussing the art-of-fiction colleague. Her love for writing is like mine, we discuss books, family, resonate with each other over leaving children behind but having no regrets being here for what we jointly love- writing.

I got to know Briar through a story about her before I actually met her. Our program coordinator Shelly spoke to me on a Monday night, telling me how they had been trying to get Briar Grace-Smith to attend the residency program for four years. She is a script-writer and director from New Zealand and had also acted in the Netflix film, Cousins. Briar and I are soul sisters. We have spent most time with each other together on this residency navigating what to eat and how to burn the calories off. We text each other for brunch, schedules, headaches and heartaches. I’m glad as is she is, to have found each other at a beautiful residency like this one.



Ghayath Almadhoun is a stormy cloud. Born to Palestinian-Syrian parents, he is a Swedish national who lives between Berlin and Amsterdam. He is an exceptional poet and an excellent friend. His poetry has been translated into several languages and he is well known around the world for his profound verses and eloquent Arabic recitation. He is wonderful.

At the residency, we have writers from Australia, Lebanon, New Zealand, Poland, Spain, Israel, Germany, Ghana, Bangladesh, Vietnam, Mexico, China, Zimbabwe, Barbados, Taiwan, Venezuela, Nicaragua, Czech Republic, Kenya, Japan, Korea, Kazakhstan to name a few. The cultures are so diverse that sometimes we end up in fits of laughter trying to figure out what the other said or meant. We are so different in our skin colour, accents, behaviours and food habits that even when trying to select something as simple as a meal, turns into a vibrant conversation.



I have always valued people for their work ethic and have engaged with their personalities knowing a little bit about their work. Through the readings and panel discussions, I got to know my fellow writers, awed and inspired by their intellect and astuteness. In their unique ways, they were all teaching me so much. I learnt about the Egyptian revolution, the circumstances of Venezuelan citizens, the unfortunate and horrifying strikes in Gaza, the humorous theatre of Kazakhstan, the Maori culture, and the history of the IWP program. The program has completed 55 years and has housed some fantastic writers/thinkers, two of whom are also Nobel Prize Laureates. We are also pleased to find out that spring resident of the same program as me, Shehan Karunatilaka from Sri Lanka, has just won the Booker Prize 2022!



Jamie, Almudena, Noa, Krystena, Judith, Chun su, Pavla,  Zaza, Mohammed, Tunay and Ainur have been magnificent, with their humorous stories to their heart-warming meals; I will always consider them my friends for the space they have paved in my heart. Shelly, Chris, Natasha, Allison, Hugh, Aidan, Caitlin have made this program truly wonderful. The ten weeks have been so full of exciting events, wholesome conversations, delicious panel talks, and some scrumptious meals!



I also, for the first time, had my work translated into another language. I attended the translation workshop completely out of curiosity. Since I write in English, I didn’t think anyone would pick my work when they could translate from exotic Arabic, lyrical Georgian, poetic Japanese and unique Vietnamese! But it so happened, that Claudia, a student of the Spanish MFA program from Colombia, picked my poems to be translated into Spanish! She and I met a few times about how to interpret some words so it wouldn’t interrupt the flow of the poems. She did a fantastic job of translating two of my poems which will be appearing in a Spanish literary magazine.

My panel was on the topic, writing the not self. I was excited about this topic because not only had a written several papers on it, I had recently read an essay about separating the author and their work, that I found it a wonderful opportunity to discuss how I felt about writing characters that are not me. I opened the panel with a joke, a perfect remedy to relax the audience. The other speakers had very different opinions than my own, and perfectly valid. That is the beauty of the circumstance, all of us brought such diverse interpretations of what the not self meant to each of us. Later that week, I was invited to discuss the same at a fiction writing class.

Back home, children have been missing me and I, them. My husband has been doing a mighty fantastic job, one he was not familiar with before. He really stood up to the challenge with the help of both our mothers. It really does take a village to raise children, especially if the mother is not around! I felt guilty about leaving them for so long, as often women do when they choose to do something for their careers. I kept calling home to tell them what to cook, when to pick which child but slowly they fell into a routine and things started working without my instructions.

As I write this, it is the last week of the residency and we will be flying to New York soon and from there, back to our home countries. The time spent with the writers, has left me with treasured memories, lessons I could not learn anywhere else, and friendships that will last a lifetime. It is difficult to step out of your comfort zone, do things that make you and other people around you change the way things work. It really is possible to go after your dreams. This has been mine.
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