Ittefaq Nama

Ittefaq Nama
Well, meray aziz humwatno, I am finally heading to Lahore for a weekend of living in pampered luxury, followed and preceded by a lifetime of living in pampered luxury. Why my luxurious living is bothering Imran Khan, hain ji? Just because I don’t have to live in a container, like he does, hain ji? In fect, he is criticizing everything. Yesterday, he said that the cabinet is a figurehead which enjoys no political power. Cabinet is like Queen of England who is also figurehead, enjoying no political power. What could be batter?

Last night I had weird dream. I am diver and going twenty feet below sea level. I am seeing another guy at same depth with no scuba gear. I go down further ten feet, and the guy joins me a mint later. I dive 15 more feet, a mint later same guy joins me. I take out waterproof pad and pincil and write, “how you are able to stay this deep without equipment, hain ji?” The man takes my pad and pincil and writes, “I’m drowning, stuppid!” Then I woke up in cold sweat.

At fallowing press conference I commented on Imran Khan’s latest promise to youth: “We will not give you a fish. We will teach you to fish”. Ya rat! If he gives youth a fish, they will eat for a day. Teach them how to fish and they will sit in boat and drink lassi all day. Sadly, one youthful journalist took objaction to my this statement. He said, “that’s why I’m not a Noon Leaguer”. I said, “ok, what you are then?” He said, “I’m a Khanista”. “Why?” I asked. Then he got flustered and stammered, “b-b-because all my friends are Khanistas”. “That’s not good enough, beta” I told him, “if your friends were morons, would you be a moron?” “No”, he said, “then I would be a Noon Leaguer”.

Unwittingly, I emitted cry of pain, “what has HAPPENED to Pakistanis, who gave me such large mandate only year and half ago?” The young journalist said, “it’s because of record unemployment”. To this I sincerely said, “I can feel their pain. I too haven’t had to work in years.”

NS