Who says I can’t have a democratic party with servants in it? Who says I can’t have rigged elections in my party and bleat about rigged elections in the country? Who says? Everyone, that’s who. But “everyone” doesn’t count. Only I count. Me, myself and I.

I know I’m mad as a hatter but that’s another matter. Talking of mad hatters, where’s the Canadian cleric? Has anyone ever asked? This whole dharna/marna caper last year, engineered by the former DG ISI and the former, former DG ISI has cost us our reputation of invincibility. But at least we’re not dead like those poor sods who followed our lead and were mowed down in Model Town and Islamabad last year. They must be rejoicing up there in the heavens after learning that their supreme sacrifice resulted in the Canadian cleric hotfooting it back to Toronto, and me slinking back into Parliament.

Anyway, the Party’s internal elections are around the corner and The Wife and I have prepared a set of questions for office bearers:

Q.   On what day is Christmas traditionally celebrated?

A.   Wednesday.

Q.   What is the Mother of Democracy document called?

A.   The Maggie Carta.

Q.   How do we know the Indians were the first people in America?

A.   Because they had reservations.

Q.   Why was Cinderella thrown out of the cricket team?

A.   Because she ran away from the ball.

Q.   Why do some cricket players never sweat?

A.   Because they have huge fans.

Q.   What are the two animals that live in Chitral?

A.   A snow leopard and his wife.

There, I said to The Wife, our work’s done. Then I went off to address a public meeting and embarked on another harangue. Everyone was spellbound.

Im the Dim