PK: Welcome to Pakistan to discuss the ‘Climate Loan’. We have been excitedly looking forward to this meeting.
IMF: Thank you for your hospitality. Being a lending agency, we are always looking for someone looking for financial support. So, we make perfect partners. But we need to justify why we are extending this loan.
PK: Oh, that is no problem, we shall hire a consultant, pay him a few million dollars, who will write a perfect report using all the right words, such as strategising Green Budgeting, enhancing Climate Resilience and Sustainability and planning for climate Adoption, Tagging and Tracking.
IMF: That sounds very promising. But why will you hire a consultant?
PK: We always do that. We just paid $4.3 million to a consultant for getting us a good sale deal for PIA. Besides, our bureaucrats have more important tasks to perform.
IMF: Well, that is your choice. Now please tell us what you will accomplish on the ground in real terms.
PK: To be honest, Nothing. We just desperately need ready cash for our much-needed reforms. You perhaps missed reading the recent 60-page newspaper supplement that described what we have done and plan to do. To give you a flavour, we are doubling the size of our cabinet, tripling the salaries of our parliamentarians and buying a thousand or so cars for every department – starting with the FBR.
IMF: Deeply appreciate. You do seem to have a pressing need for cash. Would $1 billion be fine, for now?
PK: That is excellent. We look forward to “see you soon".
Disclaimer: Any resemblance with the meetings held with the IMF, in the last 2 days is entirely incidental.