Nuggets from the Urdu press

These nuggets are culled from the Urdu press. They are summarised here without comment. Absurd or ridiculous, tft takes no responsibility for them. Illustrations by Saadia Gardezi

Nuggets from the Urdu press

Imran Khan drank water with left hand


Writing in Jang (December 8, 2014) Saleh Zafir says Imran Khan would pray on his container without even figuring out which direction to face, but he ignored the Azan during his press conference on December 7. He drank water with the left hand and cleaned his nose with the right one.

How to cheat mobile phone jammers in jail


According to Dunya (December 8, 2014) prisoners at Camp Jail Lahore have found a way around the mobile phone signal jammers installed in the establishment. They place their phones – which they smuggle inside the prison – on the ground and call hands-free.

Twitter bans Jamaatud Dawa and Hafiz Saeed


Twitter has deleted the accounts of religious group Jamaatud Dawa and its leader Hafiz Saeed, Express reports (December 9, 2014). Hafiz Saeed had 26,000 followers.

Angry boy calls police with fake bomb report


Reported in Dunya (December 9, 2014) angered by a scolding, a seven year old boy used his father’s cellphone to make a fake bomb explosion report on 15. The police were shaken (tarthalli) and arrived at the site with rescue officials, to find nothing. The boy and his father were taken in custody.

PML-N workers ridicule PTI fans


Jang reports (December 10, 2014) two supporters of PTI riding a motorcycle were shouting ‘Go Nawaz Go’ outside a PML-N office in Lahore. Supporters of the rival party caught them (daboch liya), made them hold their ears through their legs (murgha bana diya) and told them to say ‘Ro Imran Ro’ before letting them go.

Four women sign up for Traffic police’s motorcycle lessons


Only four women signed up for the Lahore Traffic Police’s motorcycle classes for women, according to a report in Nawa-e-Waqt (December 10, 2014). Eleven women applied for motorcycle licenses this year.

Dead man rioting


According to Dunya (December 11, 2014) police showed over-efficiency (phurtiyan) in registering a case against the PTI for rioting in Faisalabad and named a man in the report who had died two years ago.

Man who sold MPA to Taliban forced to buy him back


A man who had abducted an MPA from Pindi Bhattiyan and sold him to the Afghan Taliban was made to pay a Rs 30 million ransom to get him released, according to Nai Baat (December 11, 2014). Law-enforcement agencies traced the kidnapper and arrested dozens of his relatives. A jirga then negotiated with the abductor and the Taliban and it was decided that the kidnapper must pay a Rs 4 billion ransom demanded by the Taliban. He negotiated with the Taliban commander and a deal was struck at Rs 30 million.  The government then released his relatives.

Thief falls into a drain


Reported in Express (December 12, 2014) a dacoit who was fleeing after committing a robbery in Lahore fell into a drain (ganda nala). But the police couldn’t catch him because they arrived so late he had disappeared by then.

Children’s scuffle becomes deadly battle between families


Reported in Jang (December 12, 2014) after a fight between their children, residents of two houses in Lahore began to throw stones at each other. One stone hit a 42-year-old woman, who died in hospital.

Rapist or lover?


Reported in Nawa-e-Waqt (December 12, 2014) a man was being tried for gang rape in Wazirabad when the reported victim arrived at the court and told the judge that she had fled with him of her own will and had not been raped. She asked the judge to allow him to marry the man. The Nikah took place while the man was in the lockup.

Lawmakers say bureaucrats treat them like beggars


According to Express (December 13, 2014) legislators let out their anger against the bureaucracy (phat parray) in a session of the Punjab Assembly. They said senior bureaucrats treated them like beggars, and they had to chase them like they were collecting donations.