Uff, I’m so excited, so excited kay don’t even ask! Why? Oho, baba, because of Kate and William’s visit, aur kya? They’re going to lagao a phera here na. In autumn only. When heat goes. And before smock comes.
I said to Janoo kay Diana marhooma tau came to Lahore for Dr Hasnaat only. There was that movie also about their chakkar with Dr Hasnaat and Nomi What. So sad and all. So much I cried. Wonder where Dr Hasnaat is roaming these days? Vaisay one thing I will say about him, so shareef, so pukka of him not to swill the beans and sell his story. And khaas taur pay these days when everyone is doing their HashAttackMeToo. Honestly, so respective I am of him. Haan so why are Kate and William coming?
‘It’s a charm offensive,’ said Janoo, ‘to drum up trade post Brexit. Goras are worried about their economy after they split from the EU.’
‘Acchha, so they’re coming here to see what happens to econmies when they go tthup?’ I said. ‘I hope so Kate knows she has to bring her ID card with her to show if she wants to buy designer joras and khussas vaghera. She’d look nice in a lehnga vaisay. With a small choli with dabkay ka kaam. With tiara on top. She could wear it for the next big estate bang quit in Buckingham Palace. Vaisay someone should tell Kate from before only that you can’t buy anything benami here now. Guvmunt is not allowing that kind of naughty shopping. Last thing we want, baba, is for Kate to get NABbed for unexplained cash. Also in Naya Pakistan they can’t travel VIP. We won’t stand for behaviour like that any more. But chalo, maybe Imran will do their drivery himself only. I hope so when he’s being their driver he won’t be wearing his dark glasses. Kaheen kuch aur hee na hua parha ho… Also, I hope so First Lady won’t be giving Kate fashion advice. Or introducing her to her meat eating, big-bathroom doing jinnaat….’
I said to Janoo kay Diana marhooma tau came to Lahore for Dr Hasnaat only. There was that movie also about their chakkar with Dr Hasnaat and Nomi What. So sad and all. So much I cried. Wonder where Dr Hasnaat is roaming these days? Vaisay one thing I will say about him, so shareef, so pukka of him not to swill the beans and sell his story. And khaas taur pay these days when everyone is doing their HashAttackMeToo. Honestly, so respective I am of him. Haan so why are Kate and William coming?
‘It’s a charm offensive,’ said Janoo, ‘to drum up trade post Brexit. Goras are worried about their economy after they split from the EU.’
‘Acchha, so they’re coming here to see what happens to econmies when they go tthup?’ I said. ‘I hope so Kate knows she has to bring her ID card with her to show if she wants to buy designer joras and khussas vaghera. She’d look nice in a lehnga vaisay. With a small choli with dabkay ka kaam. With tiara on top. She could wear it for the next big estate bang quit in Buckingham Palace. Vaisay someone should tell Kate from before only that you can’t buy anything benami here now. Guvmunt is not allowing that kind of naughty shopping. Last thing we want, baba, is for Kate to get NABbed for unexplained cash. Also in Naya Pakistan they can’t travel VIP. We won’t stand for behaviour like that any more. But chalo, maybe Imran will do their drivery himself only. I hope so when he’s being their driver he won’t be wearing his dark glasses. Kaheen kuch aur hee na hua parha ho… Also, I hope so First Lady won’t be giving Kate fashion advice. Or introducing her to her meat eating, big-bathroom doing jinnaat….’