Nuggets from the Urdu press

These nuggets are culled from the Urdu press. They are summarised here without comment. Absurd or ridiculous, tft takes no responsibility for them. Illustrations by Saadia Gardezi

Nuggets from the Urdu press

Meera ‘didn’t pay her birthday party bill’


According to Jang (May 26, 2015) after her birthday party, Meera left the restaurant without paying the bill. She had invited 30 people but about 100 showed up. When the manager brought that to her attention, at first she wouldn’t come to the point (aain baain shaain) and then said she would be right back and left in her car. The actress said she had paid the bill in cash but didn’t take a receipt.

Policemen bootlegged cricket tickets


Dunya says (May 27, 2015) policemen outside the Gaddafi stadium were illegally reselling tickets (black main farokht) for a cricket match between Pakistan and Zimbabwe. They charged Rs 1,500 for the Rs 500 ticket, and Rs 2,500 for the Rs 1,000 ticket.

Indian girl complains of abuse by Pakistani husband 


Reported in Express (May 28, 2015) an Indian girl who had married a Pakistani boy after they fell in love on Facebook went to the police with a domestic violence complaint only four months after their wedding. She said her husband beats her, and her in-laws had locked her up in a room for 15 days. They have taken away her money ($7,000) and don’t let her touch their utensils saying she has not fully converted from Hinduism to Islam.

Cops guarding school took bribes to help cheat


Jang reports (May 29, 2015) two railways policemen on security duty outside a school run by the department began to take bribes from students to help them cheat in exams. They were transferred after their action was reported.

‘India must return my pigeon’ 


Quoted in Dunya (May 30, 2015) a pigeon enthusiast from Shakargarrh has said the pigeon caught by India on suspicion of spying likely belonged to him. Four of my pigeons flew away during a contest, he said. India must return my pigeon.

Traffic warden angers PML-N lawmaker 


According to Nawa-e-Waqt (May 31, 2015) when a traffic warden stopped a PML-N lawmaker in Multan from entering a road that had been blocked because of a protest by lawyers, she became angry (mushta’il) and called the CTO on the site. The officer suspended the traffic warden.

Traffic cop arrested outside stadium for ‘suspicious activities’ 


Reported in Jang (June 1, 2015) a traffic warden was among the 59 men arrested from near the Gaddaffi Stadium for suspicious activities during the third ODI cricket match between Pakistan and Zimbabwe. Instead of the spot where he had been assigned, he had parked his car in the red zone and was sitting inside it. The crime investigation agency is questioning him.

Sirajul Haq announces Rs 1b for Modi’s ‘arrest’


Quoted in Express (June 2, 2015) Jamaat-e-Islami emir Sirajul Haq has announced a reward of Rs 1 billion for the ‘arrest’ of Indian prime minister Narendra Modi. Whoever likes India should go live in Mumbai.

FBR seizes Muhammad Hafeez’s accounts 


According to Nawa-e-Waqt (June 3, 2015) the federal board of revenue seized the bank accounts of cricketer Muhammad Hafeez saying he had no paid Rs 420,000 in taxes. Hafeez said he was a responsible citizen and had paid every single penny he owed in taxes (aik aik paisa), and will consult with his lawyers.

Wedding canceled after NADRA error 


Reported in Express (June 4, 2015) a judge in Lahore summoned the chairman of NADRA after a girl complained that her wedding was canceled because the age printed on her identity card was 10 years higher than her real age.

Suspected Indian spy arrested from Gulberg Lahore


Dunya reports (June 6, 2015) an intelligence agency arrested an Indian man who had been living in the Gulberg area of Lahore with a fake name. They suspect he is a spy. Local police say they are not aware of the arrest.

Fisticuffs at PTI rally 


Nawa-e-Waqt reports (June 7, 2015) a quarrel broke out between PTI workers after their rally in Mandi Bahauddin. They began to fight (gutham gutha), using the poles of their flags and the chairs in the arena to beat each other up.