Over the past week, a curious incident took place involving two singers, which quickly turned into a social media war. Sara Raza Khan called Aima Baig an 'auto-tune' artist, noting that Baig would be unable to 'sing' were it not for the prowess of computational auto-tune. Aima Baig duly responded to Sara Raza Khan's comments by first posting an unedited video of her singing on Instagram, followed by a message stating she's open to criticism from an "attention-seeking auntie" — as long as the 'auntie' in question spares other female artists from her wrath.
I must confess, I do not follow Pakistani celebrities, and my awareness of the whole incident only came about thanks to my late-night Instagram scrolling. I would have happily dismissed this incident as yet another case of petty arguments between Pakistani public figures were it not for Baig referring to Sara Raza Khan as an 'auntie'. Feeling slightly triggered, perhaps because I am dangerously close to an aunt-ish age myself (and already resisting TikTok), I looked up Sara Raza Khan's age. I would also like to add a disclaimer here that I don't have a horse in the race (lest Baig gets angry, and the next thing I know, I am being labelled as an 'auntie', too, all in the name of female solidarity. As you can tell, I am terrified of the word).
Anyway, it turns out Sara Raza Khan is actually younger — she's 28, while Aima Baig is 29. I was still processing this when I looked up Imran Khan and Maryam Nawaz Sharif's ages and discovered that Imran Khan is about 20 years older than the Punjab chief minister. Given Imran Khan's frequent use of the word "nani" (maternal grandmother) to refer to her, I had assumed for the longest time that Maryam Nawaz Sharif was older than him!
So, one thing is clear: calling someone an 'auntie' or 'nani' has nothing to do with their actual age. Instead, they're subtle yet pervasive forms of casual sexism in Pakistani society. 'Auntie' or 'nani' is an insult, a slur, meant to convey that if a woman looks or dresses up a certain way (mostly Eastern dressing) or has kids or grandkids, then her opinion by default is flawed. The implication is that if a woman fits certain stereotypes, her judgment is invalid — simply because she's a woman. 'Auntie' or 'nani' are convenient adjectives to be deployed readily for women to dismiss and insult them in any number of ways as demanded by the context at hand - in politics, in showbiz, in public places – whenever, wherever.
If you disagree with a woman, no problem at all – just call her an 'auntie' and move on with your life triumphantly!
The humorous part, of course, is that while calling Sara Raza Khan an auntie, Aima Baig has claimed to have upheld the banner of female empowerment. I am tempted to write more about the irony, but then I remember the repeated attacks of Imran Khan on Maryam Nawaz, calling her 'nani' or the opposition referring to Benazir Bhutto as 'peeli taxi' all in the name of national interest, and I rest my case.
Under the guise of piety, women have always felt free to attack fellow women – one has to only express any solidarity with women's rights – to learn, to work, to choose – to be branded with the most insulting slur: a 'liberal,' more often than not by women themselves
I, however, cannot help but wonder if anyone has ever called out a male celebrity figure an 'uncle' or a 'nana' or a 'dada' as an insult? Of course not! Because for men, these terms always have a complimentary connotation – he's old and experienced, which doesn't make him an uncle but wise. He's a grandfather, so that means he's a 'family man,' not some oldie presumably unfit for the office.
This whole episode reminded me of Maryam Nawaz's son's marriage a few years ago. There is a Facebook group called 'Super Talented Women,' and for reasons unknown to me, I was added to the group by a friend. Anyway, in this all-women group, someone posted Sharif's photos of the festivities. I understand that people have political differences, but what shocked me to the core were the sexist comments. Women – mothers, aunties and even nanis, were slut-shaming another woman purely because she chose to get dressed for her son's wedding. The comments included insults solely on Sharif's age – too old to be dressed up, giving 'competition' to her new daughter-in-law – all in the name of, again, national interest. The irony remains – insulting fellow women using ageist terms, presumably for the greater good.
Of course, women turning on other women is a tale as old as patriarchy itself. In a patriarchal setting, there's often an unspoken script that subtly teaches women to view each other as rivals rather than allies. And when the state-sanctioned religion remains the driving force of the moral and social fabric of society, policing women becomes even easier. Under the guise of piety, women have always felt free to attack fellow women – one has to only express any solidarity with women's rights – to learn, to work, to choose – to be branded with the most insulting slur: a 'liberal,' more often than not by women themselves! And add an ageist insult to the mix as well, and you've got yourself an 'auntie' or a 'nani', hell-bent on creating trouble.
I remember Noor Mukaddam had just been brutally murdered when that Facebook post about Sharif was created. I left a scathing reply to one of the comments saying that women don't need men for misogyny when women themselves hate other women so readily. This whole episode with Aima Baig has only proven it to be true.