SUCH GUP: Foot in mouth

SUCH GUP: Foot in mouth

Foot in mouth

Ever wondered why poor Paradise Lover (aka Apa) lost her job so summarily? One minute, she was the spokesperson of Takht Lahore, the next minute she was banned from entering the Punjab Assembly. It has now transpired that the poor dear suffers from a rare form of Foot In Mouth disease so that she forgets who she’s talking to and via which medium.

Our mole reports that just before her unceremonious sacking, she sent The Great Khan a long voice note on WhatsApp, criticizing his head honcho at Takht Lahore – and it was a no holes barred condemnation. True to form, instead of mediating the conflict, The Great Khan simply forwarded the message to Takht Lahore. The incumbent was furious and since he can do no wrong in the eyes of The Great Khan, Paradise Lover was immediately sent packing.

Return to sender

We’ve heard that the changes at the top of the Punjabi pyramid came as an unwelcome surprise to The Great Khan and his provincial chief. Both public servants – one head of the poolce, the other head of the afsars – are men of sterling repute. That’s precisely why they weren’t wanted in the Land of The Five Rivers where governance is whimsical and mostly by remote control. The Khan & Co tried to stop their appointments when the provincial head honcho protested loudly. “Return to sender” he kept insisting but it was too late. It had been ordained by the Powers-That-Be!

Pipe dream

Sources say The Boyz have fed the “compromised” opposition another pipe dream, which they have eagerly bought into. Apparently, Big Ben’s Hubby and various other malcontents (who are nominally part of The Great Khan’s alliance) have been told to rustle up the magic figure of 85 (seats in the National Assembly, come the next elections) and “the rest is up to us”. Hubby, rumour has it, is working on this and given his charms and alms, will doubtless meet with success. Caution: it’s a pipe dream!