The home front
Trouble seems to be brewing on the home front. It’s no secret that Her Holiness has bolted. She’s said to be sulking in Lahore, at the home of a friend, also known as the “Front Woman”. Our mole reports allegations of kickbacks, commissions and omissions. Our mole says there have been more than a few flaming rows on various issues. NB: all the old domestic staffers have been sacked, including The Ambassador who was the major domo/Jeeves all rolled into one for years. So, reporting from within comes from Sources close to the siblings who’ve been allowed back in, post HH’s departure.
Anyway, these Sources are saying that they have discovered who was behind the flogging of a fabulous watch. Readers will recall that a few months ago, the grapevine was abuzz with how a fabulous watch gifted by Al Prince had found its way to a Dubai trader’s shop. The sleuths apparently spilt the News that Her Holiness’ courier took the watch to Dubai to be sold. But this act was small fry compared to other allegations against her – the wholesale retailing of transfers and postings at Takht Lahore, creaming off development funds, etc., wherein Bozo The Clown faithfully shares the proceeds. Then there’s talk of a large scale land project in which Her Holiness and – wait for it – her former spouse are beneficiaries. This was apparently the straw that broke the Camel's back. They say the bond is as good as broken but that a formal parting of ways will not be announced. For the moment.
Consigliere
Those who serve The Great Khan as consiglieres have blundered in advising him to judge his ministers – and worse, to make the findings public. Both consiglieres are patrician Pathans and have served as The Great Khan’s eyes and ears for years, starting with their surveillance of the skeletal former CM of our frontier regions. We hear they are his Principal political advisors too. This has caused resentment in the ranks, most famously that turf war between The Great Khan’s lead financier and the chief consigliere which led to the bitter departure of the former. This grading of the ministers has given the consiglieres’ detractors another opportunity to stick the knife in. We hear many voices in the party are complaining bitterly about their “negative” influence on The Great Khan.
Genuine illness
The late lamented Big Ben’s Hubby has been in Lahore, trying to stitch up the Opposition’s big move against The Great Khan. Whilst at it, news surfaced that he had fallen ill. His naysayers immediately jumped to the conclusion that his illness was all an act, and that they were smelling a rat. Whilst there is no denying the ever-present possibility of treachery and betrayal, the fact is that Hubby is suffering from a variety of illnesses, amongst them acute spondylitis, advanced diabetes and heart problems. He is a brave man undoubtedly, with a ready smile on his face, but this is no feigned affliction. His personal physicians have been flown out from Karachi to care for him.