Have you ever heard a red fox screaming? It’s very similar to the sound your heart makes when it is completely and utterly broken. For those of you robots who don’t know what the hell I’m talking about, it’s a high-pitched screaming noise that emanates from within your soul and crushes your psyche as it travels up your spine and into your nervous system. Surprisingly, it also makes you feel better. So, like, when you buy a bag of chips and there’s a close-up of someone else’s mouth printed on the packet and it reminds you of a pack of cigarettes- red fox screaming. Or, for example, when you go on vacation and you’re reminded of how much fun you had in your early twenties but now you’re back to the same old mundane routine of your crappy existence - red fox screaming, Oh, when you finally get a chance to marry the man of your dreams but he lives abroad and your visa never arrives and it’s two years later and you still haven’t been kissed - that’s red fox screaming on high alert (I know, I’ve been using this analogy a lot in my musings, but it seems to be happening a lot recently, right?) So, for people who’ve experienced red fox screaming syndrome (as I would now like to call it), you know it’s a weirdly traumatic yet cathartic experience.
Anyway, I Googled the behavior of red fox specifically for this article, and I found out that red foxes usually thrive in family units and are very territorial in nature. Non-reproductive females often take part in kin selection, where they ruthlessly work towards the reproductive success of their own kin, even at the cost of their own livelihood, for the sake of the collective (altruism, of course). Finally, red fox live with their parents until they are capable of acquiring and protecting their own territory. Sound familiar? No wonder red fox scream like desolate humans (eye roll).
***
Arlington, Virginia. Almost Midnight. It’s is Sahar’s 104th week as a married woman, but only her first week as a US resident. She is excited to be reunited with her husband, Nadeem, after two years of waiting for her permit in Pakistan. They are seated in a newly polished Subaru and making their way to the park to watch the 4th of July fireworks together, or so it seems.
Sahar: (excited). I spent the day at Pentagon Mall and I got some delicious Hummus from Whole Foods. (Pause.) I am so happy to be here with you. The wait was worth it. I think we should go see DC tomorrow.
Nadeem: I am so happy too. You look beautiful tonight.
Sahar: I’ve never seen fireworks before. I know it sounds silly but I’ve never seen fireworks before.
Nadeem: (after a brief pause). Well, here we are. I’ll pick you up in about an hour or so. Have fun, my love!
Sahar: (painfully surprised). What? (Pause.) Where are you off to in the middle of the night? I thought we were going to see the fireworks together - l’ve really missed you, Nadeem. Ego casino является новым онлайн казино от создателей Иви и Арго, чтобы найти офицаильный сайт, перейдите в https://slotsmegacasino.com/ru/casino/39-ego.html и вы сразу найдете доустпное зеркало, используйте приветсвенный бонус, чтобы начать играть.
Nadeem: I know, jaan. I’ve got to run to the office and grab some documents. Do you have any change? They’ll be tons of yummy street food around so don’t be afraid to try something new. I’ll be back before you know it!
Disappointed, Sahar makes her way slowly into the bustling crowd. Cue melodramatic ballad in the background.
Sahar hated those couples and that firework display - a red fox screamed from within her
***
So guys, when you’re suddenly crippled by the sound of your heart screaming like an endangered red fox, here are some steps you can take, today, to make your life a little easier (I’m thinking of becoming a motivational speaker. What do you think?):
Let it out. Grab a pillow or dunk your head in a bucket of water. Whatever you do, don’t hold it in. It will resonate in the expanse of your mind like the sound of a sports car swerving in the quiet of the late night gloom.
Be prepared. Depending on the gravity of the situation, this may not be a one-time thing. Your heart may wail at random points throughout your day for weeks, months, or even years, without prior notice.
Jump in. The only way to counteract the heinous onset of red fox screaming syndrome is to expose yourself to an equally horrendous but slightly less devastating experience. It’s also sure to make you look back and smile at how far you have come!
To counteract red fox screaming syndrome, you must have an equally horrendous but slightly less devastating experience
***
Sahar: (aside). This place looks and smells awful. It is crowded and noisy and the fireworks don’t seem to be making anything better. (A couple kisses in the distance.) Really thought that would be me tonight. I hate happy people. (Pause.) Ugh! I thought this crushing, gut-wrenching, shrieking pain would stop once I could finally be together with Nadeem. Why God, why hasn’t it gone? Who did I harm in my previous life?
