Despair In Abundance

As the world grows exponentially in complexity, adults must become more vigilant of children's mental well-being.

child distress

“Transformation is a process, and as life happens there are tons of ups and downs. It's a journey of discovery—there are moments on mountaintops and moments in deep valleys of despair.”—Rick Warren

Life is never a bed of roses for any human being. A closer look into a person’s life would reveal many problems that are both overt and hidden. This can be likened to the food we sometimes eat. It may be scrumptious but probably lacks nutrition. Similarly, we may feel envious about other people’s lifestyle, but we fail to see the gloom and sense of deprivation they could be experiencing. Especially crucial is the period when young children are passing through the phase of maturing into adolescence, when they are trying to cope up with physical and mental changes occurring in their bodies that create both confusion and awkwardness for them. This can become critical in those cases in particular when the domestic scene in their homes is emotionally turbulent.

Along with poverty there are numerous other predicaments that can affect simply anyone. These come in different forms, that are both tangible and intangible in nature. When human beings find themselves surrounded by one or more, they are prone to react, but this reaction is directly proportional to the individual’s own peculiar characteristics. Some may become violent and hurt themselves or turn into criminals taking revenge from others for their own shortcomings. The timid ones continue to bear their turmoil accepting it as their fate. The proactive ones do not sit quietly but persevere to convert their malaise into a blessing. There are yet others, who dive inwards, blaming themselves for their woes, seeking solace by cursing their actions and even reverting to ending their lives. This particular category of people falls into despair, commonly known as depression, as the miserable start losing hope in everyone and everything around them. 

Despair can be described as a mix of misery, discouragement, anguish, agony and distress. Although by itself it is not a disease but is an emotion as we humans, and even animals, experience after some tragic event or as we lose a loved one, or as our dreams get shattered or as we suffer expectation loss. It is a natural outcome of anything that upsets our natural course of life. The only significant aspect is the way we deal with it. For the fortunate majority, coping comes comparatively much easier as people generally tackle it stoically, change, return to normal life and move on, concealing the scars in their smiles. However, ones who are inflicted with depression are prone to falling into a state of melancholy that is sometimes associated with suicidal thoughts.

The world today is moving at a pace unknown to human race in its recent history. Some decades back, where minutes seemed to pass slowly, today years are flying by in no time. When it used to take a hand-written letter a couple of weeks to cross from one continent to another, it just takes a few seconds now to reach its destination. When long hours were spent in libraries to seek knowledge and information, it is now accessible in the palm of one’s hand. When one had to wait for the morning newspaper to get the latest news, it is now available in full speed and from all directions. When children got to know the secrets of becoming adults well into their teenage years then, toddlers are cognizant of the concept of transgender identity now. An entire tornado of information is circulating around people, trapping them in its pernicious whirlwind and preventing them from figuring out the nitty gritties. 

In the West in particular, the family, which is the most important unit of society, is no longer just mother-father and kids. It could be live-in relationships, male-male or female-female couples, with or without children. This brings in its wake confusion and a host of unanswered, rather unanswerable questions. Compared to adults, children are now becoming more susceptible to depression as their raw minds are incapable of absorbing too much in too short a time. Besides the fast pace of life, the availability of too much of everything without putting in any effort, can also contribute to despair as the need to struggle declines. This leaves plenty of time to ponder about issues that are in reality, non-issues. Children become extra sensitive about their image in other people’s opinion, gossips related to their persona or family, competition with their school buddies, fear of not coming up to the expectations of their elders and reduced self-esteem, are some of the factors contributing to depression.

The most frightening aspect of such dilemma is the tendency to commit suicide. The slightest bit of criticism or reprimand can become a trigger in escalating this idea forcing children to at the most contemplate ending their lives. They definitely require professional help and mercifully there are plenty of psychiatrists and psychologists who can ably prevent a future tragedy from occurring. Counseling sessions are conducted to relieve patients from negative thoughts about their existence and personality and where necessary, medicines are prescribed to restrict the flow of hormones detrimental to mental health. 

Adults caring for children should stay alert about their child’s mental state. They must not ignore any abnormal behavior, a stray remark or change in attitude. The best way is to talk gently urging the children to express inert feelings and encourage them to discuss problems they may be facing at school or with their peers. Sometimes, children can be irked by bullying friends in which case, loss of pride can have detrimental effects. Monitoring the type of pals around their children can reduce much anxiety for both the children as well as their caretakers.

Jean Paul Sartre said: “Life begins on the other side of despair”. Life is precious and cannot be allowed to waste in the hell of despair. Happiness is the secret of a good life. Children should be taught to count their blessings by making them see or learn about those who are living in deprivation before they fall prey to despair on account of abundance.

The writer is a lawyer and author, and an Adjunct Faculty at the Lahore University of Management Sciences (LUMS), member Advisory Board and Senior Visiting Fellow of Pakistan Institute of Development Economics (PIDE)