Nuggets from the Urdu press

These nuggets are culled from the Urdu press. They are summarised here without comment. Absurd or ridiculous, tft takes no responsibility for them. Illustrations by Saadia Gardezi

Nuggets from the Urdu press

Cheating cart vendors attack magistrate


Reported in Express (November 21, 2014) when a magistrate fined cart vendors for faulty scales, they attacked the judge and his aides. The police arrived immediately and arrested two of them.

Grade-I curriculum ‘is against Pakistan ideology’


Jang reports (November 21, 2014) that the Lahore High Court has stopped the Punjab Textbook Board from publishing their Class-I syllabus until it comes to a decision on a plea by the publisher that it has been recommended by foreign NGOs and is against Pakistan’s ideology.

PML-N lawmaker stages sit-in against traffic cop


According to Express (November 22, 2014) a government lawmaker staged a sit-in on a road in Islamabad against a traffic policeman who stopped him on his way to Daman-e-Koh with his family, and threw away his MNA card. He also threatened to resign from the PML-N. Another lawmaker from Rawalpindi arrived and resolved the matter (mamla rafa dafa karaya).

Drunken man misuses mosque loudspeaker 


A drunken man barged into a mosque with his shoes on, snatched the cleric’s microphone, and began to swear at and threaten people in a village near Lahore (Jang, November 23, 2014). When people gathered, his friends arrived and fired at them, injuring one man.

People fed up with cops asking for bribes 


The people of Lahore are upset over the police’s increasing demands for bribes (nazrana) especially from vehicle owners, according to Nawa-e-Waqt (November 22, 2014). They stop people to ask for registration documents, but then make false allegations to threaten them.

Sirajul Haq patrols convention venue on motorcycle 


Reported in Dunya (November 23, 2014) Jamaat-e-Islami emir Sirajul Haq patrolled the venue of the party’s international convention in Lahore on a motorcycle. When the Kashmiri jihadi commander Salahuddin arrived, people began to chant slogans (naaron say goonj utha).

‘Munawar Hassan should begin jihad with Sirajul Haq’


Quoted in Express (November 23, 2014) Allama Tahir Ashrafi says if former Jamaat-e-Islami emir Munawar Hassan wants to fight in the name of Allah, he should start with Sirajul Haq, who is also a member of the parliament.

Rs 1.8 million electricity bill for mostly-empty house 


Nawa-e-Waqt reports (November 23, 2014) that electricity officials sent a Rs 1.8 million bill to a house in Haripur that is usually closed because its owner is in the army and comes back once every four months.

PIA plane narrowly escapes catching fire


According to Dunya (November 24, 2014) a leased PIA plane almost caught fire at the Karachi airport when the tug master toeing it to the runaway caught fire. The staff did not untie the plane and continued pulling it to the runway, where fire fighters put out the fire.

Sindh chief minister injured as PPP workers fight


Sindh Chief Minister Qaim Ali Shah was injured when a fight (maar kutai) broke out in a People’s Party meeting in Makli, reports Dunya (November 25, 2014). Two groups attacked each other (laaton aur mukon ki barish) when one was not given the microphone. They also threw microphones, bouquets and other things at the leaders on the stage.

Fake President’s House officer runs away with bribes 


Reported in Jang (November 25, 2014), a con man (nau sar baaz) told a trader in Peshawar that he was assistant protocol officer at the President’s House, and promised to give him a contract of supplying tea to IDP camps for Rs 368,000 and jobs to his three nephews for Rs 6 million. He ran away with Rs 9.1 million altogether.

Two held for smuggling heroine into jail in an onion


According to Nawa-e-Waqt (November 25, 2014) two men were caught smuggling 50 grams of heroine inside an onion to a prisoner in Machh jail near Quetta. The police found out and arrested them.