What a cruel and ruthless attack Maryam Nawaz Sharif has unleashed against me and my government by her brilliant articulation, amazing appearance and great charisma. She unfailingly fires off beautifully enunciated sentences in speeches that are brave and rational, deliberately contrasting her success with my gaffes, malapropisms and blunders. This is a very deliberate and illegal move on her part. It is a harsh ploy and nothing less than treachery against the Fatherland, of which I am the undisputed leader at the mo. She deliberately doesn’t mess up her sentences and avoids making blunders, slip-ups and howlers like Yours Truly, thereby delivering relentless barrages of intelligent speeches against me. I have told my handlers that she must immediately be accused of compromising national security and hauled off, lest she continue on her path of becoming Pakistan’s most popular politician.

She is also succeeding in her nefarious designs of getting under my skin and that of my handlers. She is being extremely cruel in the way that she is naming and shaming us. This is a well-thought out conspiracy and attack plan and the active combatants in this offensive module are not just Maryam Nawaz, and her father and guide Nawaz Sharif but also several other undercover operatives.

Anyway, I am not sitting idle. I too have mounted my assault. I have obtained incriminating evidence of Maryam and Bilawal chatting privately in Gilgit-Baltistan, having got rid of their mobile phones. Now this is a crime against the state and it compromises national security because it prevents my selectors from spying on them. Nor can they record their conversations because they cunningly distanced themselves from their phones. This is criminal deception. How dare they disable the state above the state from eves dropping on their conversation!

I told my selectors that these are grounds for Maryam and Bilawal’s prosecution and imprisonment. They were in complete agreement with me but a few minutes later, they sent in a doctor who tested me for Sanity. You’ll be relieved to know that I tested negative.

Im the Dim