I called a meeting of the central executive committee of the party and sang my usual song of praise of the Taliban. “We have nothing to fear from our simple, misunderstood brethren”, I said. “B-b-but the barbarians are at the gate”, someone said. “When I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you”, I said.

I’m also delighted to report that Chaudhry Nisar and I are on the same page and on the same hair dye. We both believe that the Taliban are not anti-state as opposed to the Baloch who want their own state. The Taliban just want our state. Also the Baloch have killed 200 Pakistanis which makes them traitors whereas the Taliban have killed 50,000 Pakistanis which makes them patriots.

There’s more good news and it’s that the Council of Islamic Ideology has finally put paid to the Muslim Family Laws Ordinance of 1961 promulgated by that dollar khor, liberal scum Field Marshal Ayub Khan of Christine Keeler, as opposed to Sita White, fame. The CII has said that infants can be married off and male infants can marry again and again without permission from female infants. Being an infant myself and infantile in all my words and deeds, I find this most encouraging. Apparently, in Spain they have someone called the Infanta or Infantata who is the supreme head of all marriageable infants. They have Contessas in Italy who are the head of all contestants in elections or whatever it is that they want to do. In Austria, they have Counts who are in charge of tabulating election results correctly, as opposed to Pakistan where election results are tabulated incorrectly. In Mexico they have Senoritas who are in charge of Margaritas. In France they have monsieurs who provide body massages in massage parlours.

I’m told that all the liberal scum, dollar khors and beghairats were at the Karachi and Lahore Literature Festivals talking about banned substances like rationality and ideas and useless things like books. Litfests should also be banned like booze and basant. My new slogan: Ban The Booze But Not The Flooze.

Im the Dim