Relax, dear reader, it’s not sinister, though it may sound so. ‘The dark night of the soul’ was a phrase coined by Saint John of the Cross referring to the pain and loneliness felt by mystics acheing for union with the Divine.
Let’s pause a minute and think about today, this uninvited age of isolation which we find ourselves in.
As the mystics which Saint John spoke of felt loneliness and fear in search of the Divine, we feel the darkness and fear as we hunger for the familiar.
We are increasingly unable to move back into what was once the norm.
Increasingly unable because the dates of lockdown in many different parts of the world are extended.
And rightly so, there is no solution yet, no place that is safe from this treacherous virus.
We are left in a somewhat dark night.
For many, this time has bought heartbreak in the shape of lonely deaths of loved ones, illnesses that find one frantically seeking out ventilators for those gasping for breath.
The American Dream promises no space for reflection, no pause for a tete-a-tete with the self. Perhaps, this dark night of the soul that Saint John spoke of, was a necessity
For many, it has bought not illness but fear. A savage twist of uncertainty. Will it be Ok? When will it be Ok?
The trauma of the daily wage earner is a brutal reality.
And for some, in fact for many, I feel it has bought an empty space with a faceless feeling. For too long now, we have been used to labeling every hour, accounting for all moments with activities stuffed to the brim.
And now the long, lingering pause.
A terrifying beauty.
What can I do with these moments?
We’ve never had this before.
And at least not those of us whose brazen ambitions had us soaring like graceful jets, perfect to witness, yet cold and glistening hard.
Like those birds of chrome slicing through blue skies, we too were blindly focused on our destination, blissfully unaware of moments that passed us by.
Saint John of the Cross
Like these machines, we too, were ripping time zones apart. Patting ourselves on the back every time we did so.
I live in Seattle where there is endless, luscious natural beauty.But nature plays second fiddle to the race for success. This is also a city where the most ambitious rub shoulders with...the most ambitious.
Seattle boasts of Amazon, Microsoft, Facebook, Google, the Gates Foundation and more.
At cutthroat speed, these work places operate with meticulous energy. Their employees know that only the best survive.
The fact is that America teaches you that only the most ambitious can last in the face of this cut-throat competition and so these purists of work perfection operate – and their families learn to operate as well.
It’s a culture that pervades all systems. Not just work places. Kids in school are encouraged to be busy every second of the day. As the school bus rolls up close to 4 pm, your child will have one or two extracurricular activities to rush off too. Intense homework and a hurried dinner followed by an exhausted child. Concerned parents have chosen to have it this way. They want to have something to say when asked what activities their children are involved in. And of course with kids occupied, they have that extra time to address a few more work emails.
Rushing home from work, many are continuously exhausted and still gripped by the stress to succeed, yet another day, another tomorrow.
The American Dream promises no space for reflection, no pause for a tete-a-tete with the self.
Perhaps this dark night of the soul that Saint John spoke of, was a necessity.
When he created the phrase, he meant it as a struggle for the mystic to connect with the divine.
Perhaps we desperately needed to connect in that way today.
To the divine or to ourselves or to each other.
I speak of life in the U.S because that is where I am but this frightening, questioning time is a global reality. Just as is the fact that the world over, so many of us had forgotten how to connect, how to pause and feel.
In my place of birth, my Karachi, there has always been a hectic flurry of activity, a gregarious social life, a race through the day, which again offered little pause for reflection. But today, I’m told the sky is a clearer blue than ever before.
I wonder what more can one see clearly? Loved ones who you lived with but never had enough time for?
With no place to rush off to, it seems that conversations are cozier and the other’s point of view can be listened to with relatively more patience than ever before.
I’m not glorifying the situation. Of course, the harsh reality is that those who are now jobless, and were reliant on daily wages do not have the luxury of peaceful reflection. Their stress is heartbreaking as is of those who are struggling to breathe or still mourning their recently lost loved ones.
But I’m talking about the others, those not struggling with unemployment issues or ill health.
I’m talking about those whose biggest battle is to accept the fact that we have to stay at home, not go out to work, not go to school and not socialize.Instead of the incessant complaints of how confinement makes us feel, how about embracing the moment and the opportunity for a deeper connection?
It’s the dark night of the soul, what struggles are we faced with? What connections can we find?
Therapists will tell you that this time of isolation is the moment where we will tap into our inner most joys and fears, both. We could learn to live with ourselves, as we realize our real selves, the good, the bad, the uncomfortable. We could connect in a deeper, more rewarding way with those who were always right by our sides.
And of course we could try and connect with the majesty of the Divine, the reason why Saint John spoke of the dark night to begin with.
For those of us who have the luxury of income and health, we could stop fearing those spaces around us. There’s nowhere to run to!
