Ittefaq Nama

London is gorgeous in April, windy, cool and peasant. Only problem is, Shbaz Saab will be here soon. He will again try and sell their chooran. “Bhaijan”, he will say, “we are a team. Like the Wright Brothers, who built the world’s first airplane”. I will be silent. “Bhaijan, I’m sure the Wright Brothers were initially the Wrong Brothers, but eventually they were Wright”. I will be silent. “Bhaijan, there were also the Marx Brothers, who I think failed many tests but eventually passed and became the Full Marx Brothers”. I will be silent. “Bhaijan, knock, knock!” “Who’s there?” “Brotheration! I forgot what I had to say”. “Bhaijan, I’ve been so useful to you. Remember when we first when to China to persuade them to build CPEC in Pakistan?” I will be silent. “Bhaijan, I told them one in five people in the world is Chinese. There are five of us in our family, so my brother must be Chinese”. I will be silent. “The Chinese were so delighted, they immediately told you, ‘ha soh! Wi kum tu wok wi yu!” “Bhaijan ….?”

FAR GOD SAKE, COME TO THE POINT, I will demand exasperatedly. “Yes, yes” he will say eagerly, “we are a successful team. We are blessed. But an evil eye has been cast upon us. Bhaijan, are you superstitious?” Irritatedly, I will say, “not super stitious, just a little stitious. NOW GET ON WITH IT”. “Yes, I’m getting to the point. The very important point …” I will cut him off: “… of NO RETURN! Make no mistake. I am at point of no return”. Then again he will try, “Bhaijan, why don’t you send them a polite message please, just a few lines of encoura – ” Before he finishes, I will cut him off, scribble something and hand him a note. Trembling with delight, he will open note to his great disappointment: I GOT VACCINATED BUT I STILL WANT SOME OF YOU TO STAY AWAY FROM ME!

NS