Nuggets from the Urdu press

These nuggets are culled from the Urdu press. They are summarised here without comment. Absurd or ridiculous, tft takes no responsibility for them. Illustrations by Saadia Gardezi

Nuggets from the Urdu press

Bad year for Pakistan cricket 


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Reported in Express (December 20, 2014) Pakistan cricket team could not win a one day series in the year 2014. Of the 13 series finals it has played since 2003, it has only won one, against Zimbabwe.

Mamta Kulkarni converts to Islam


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According to Nawa-e-Waqt (December 20, 2014) former Bollywood actress Mamta Kulkarni has converted to Islam. Her husband, who she married in 2013, had converted to Islam in 2012 after serving jail time for smuggling drugs. She has turned down acting offers (maazrat kar li) because Islam does not allow such nonsense (khurafat).

Woman caught posing as food inspector 


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Reported in Jang, (December 21, 2014) a woman was arrested for fining a restaurant posing as a food inspector. After eating from a restaurant in in November, she declined to pay saying she was a food inspector, and fined the restaurant Rs 6,500 for substandard food. The restaurant owner had been looking for her office since then, but couldn’t find it. On December 20, she showed up again, at which he called the police.

Desperate man wants to become executioner 


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Fed up with poverty and unemployment, a man showed up at the office of the Inspector General of Prisons and asked to be hired as an executioner, Nawa-e-Waqt reports (December 21, 2014). The father of three said he was under immense debt. He could not meet the IG, but his application was received.

Bedding and air conditioners stolen from Bilawal House


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A hundred blankets, mattresses, several air conditioners and some kitchen equipment have been stolen from Bilawal House in Lahore since the last visit of former president Asif Zardari, according to Dunya (December 21, 2014). The management had to replace them with new ones.

No mobile phones for cops on duty 


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Dunya reports (December 22, 2014) the Interior Ministry has decided to forbid all policemen to carry mobile phones on duty. A memo to the National Crisis Management Cell says most of them are busy with their mobile phones on duty, and terrorists can take advantage of that.

Fingerprint system hasn’t worked in three years


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FIA’s Automated Fingerprints Identification System has been out of order for three years, Jang reports (December 22, 2014). The police uses NADRA’s AFIS, which does not have the capacity to collect fingerprints from crime scenes.

India angry with UN for calling Hafiz Saeed ‘Sahib’ 


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Reported in Nai Baat (December 23, 2014) India has reacted strongly to a panel of the UN Security Council calling Hafiz Saeed “Sahib”, and has asked the panel’s chairman for an explanation.

Police officer stopped at military checkpost 


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According to Nawa-e-Waqt (December 23, 2014) when Multan Cantt was sealed because of security concerns, the regional police officer – who had gone to a court hearing – was stopped at a checkpost and not allowed to return to his office. He was let in after permission from senior military officials.

Jamaat-e-Islami most democratic, PML-N least 


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Jamaat-e-Islami is the most democratic political party in its internal affairs, according to a report by PILDAT, and PML-N is the least democratic (Express, December 24, 2014). It says political parties have poor audit systems that need to be made more transparent.

Explosives seized from Abul Aziz’s madrassa in Rajanpur 


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Reported in Nai Baat (December 24, 2014) police seized a large quantity of explosives from a madrassa in Rajanpur run under the supervision of Lal Masjid cleric Maulana Abdul Aziz. The muntazim has been arrested and a case has been registered.

Narrow escape for Lasani Express 


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The Lasani Express train narrowly escaped an accident after the railway track strangely broke down (purasraar tor pe) near the Sri Rampura railway station, Nawa-e-Waqt reports (December 24, 2014). The driver was able to spot the damage and applied emergency brakes. The train stopped a few feet from the broken part of the track.