Unbeknownst to me, someone published an ad in the newspapers saying: “WANTED: ONE PM”. I put an ad in the same newspaper saying: “WANTED BY WHOM?” They published another ad saying: “WANTED BY EVERYONE AND HIS AUNT”. I ran a counter ad saying: “WANTED FOR WHAT?” The reply ad said: “WANTED FOR A RAINY DAY”. I sent these ads to Bilawal Bhutto and Chaudhry Pervez Elahi and followed up with a Zoom call, “what do you make of these mysterious ads?” They both looked at the ceiling for what seemed like an eternity. “Well?” I asked. “Well what?” they replied. “What do you think this is all about?” “How should we know?” they said in unison. “That’s right”, I said, “how should you know”. Then they cleared their throats and said, “it might help to look at the bottom line”.

“Oh”, I said, and finally looked at the bottom line. It said, “In case found, PM should be sent to former Northern Command HQ of the British Indian Army, The Mall, Rawalpindi.”

“Oh”, I said. “Indeed”, they said.

Just then, I saw a picture of Jacinda Ardern on the BBC. I don’t waste time looking at these whining desi channels. She’s quite a looker, despite the teeth – but then I daren’t say that here in my house where even the walls have ears. There may be one too many djinns floating about the place, informing the Mrs that I expressed some harmless appreciation of Jacinda Ardern.

The thought occurred to me that it’s wonderful that Jacinda is Prime Minister of New Zealand. I must plan an official visit of the place. We’ll make a beautiful couple – er, I mean as PMs of the world’s most important countries, that is.

I think I’ll send her an email hooking up with her in advance. “Dear J, now that you’re well and truly immersed in politics, would you like to join the Pakistan Tehrik-e-Insaf? It’s very nice. And lots of people want to join it, including AQ Khan. But I’d much prefer a bombshell like you to the bomb. What do you say?”

Strange, I never heard back from her. I wonder why.

Im the Dim