“This classic opportunity”
Here’s a proposal from an ambitious young man, recently posted on a group chat, for young ladies:
“Assalamualaikum. Alhamdolillah I have completed by LLB from world’s best university of D I Khan that is the University of D I Khan. I m lawyer. I m highly talented. Through this group, I want to announce to all girls that I am ready for marriage. My condition is girl should be below 27 years age since old girls have issues so many. Girls father who have big business shud approach me for marriage so that I can manage their business and take it to new height. I do not demand nay jahej it will be very deeni nikah. I appeal all girls to book me as their husband before anyone else take away this classic opportunity. In Sha Allah I will take full care of girl, and her father business. Jazakallah.”
Wither oil bonanza?
Our mole in a recent cabinet meeting reported that The Great Khan was in a good mood, having farmed out a lot of the daily grind of premiership. Someone had the temerity to ask him what happened to the oil. Readers will remember that The Great Khan’s Wow Factor had claimed on a talk show last month that Pakistan would strike oil and be flush with cash and jobs, and day labourers would be lining up to pay tax. And all this not in some distant, glorious future but here and now, “in the next two weeks”. The anchor had asked what if the predicted oil bonanza did not materialize. You can make mincemeat of me, he said, “mera tikka boti kar lejiye ga”. Well, it appears that we’ll have to sharpen our knives. So that was the question in the cabinet meeting. The Khan replied that the oil bonanza wouldn’t happen until Shreiking, Shafto and Chaudhry Albert Einstein started praying, alluding to their “secular-liberal” credentials.