Nuggets from the Urdu press

These nuggets are culled from the Urdu press. They are summarised here without comment. Absurd or ridiculous, tft takes no responsibility for them. Illustrations by Saadia Gardezi

Nuggets from the Urdu press

Hospital employee caught stealing poor people’s medicines


Reported in Express (November 26, 2014), an employee of Lahore’s Services Hospital was caught stealing medicines that were meant to be given out free to poor patients. The administration had asked the security guards to keep an eye on him after several complaints.

Widower runs away on the day of second marriage


According to Nai Baat (November 26, 2014), a widower and father of three ran away from his home in Narang Mandi on the day of his second marriage. He was caught from Lahore, where he said he was joking about wanting to get married again, only to see if someone would give him their daughter. A panchayat seized his tractor and trolley when he failed to pay a Rs 1 million fine.

‘T20 cricket will ruin bowlers’


Quoted in Dunya (November 27, 2014) famous spin bowler Tauseef Ahmed says bowlers should stay away from T20 cricket. It will ruin their performance and the game of cricket in general.

Cop cons traders in Lahore


A policeman had an empty Challan book with a magistrate’s stamps, which he filled in himself with names of various traders. He then went to their shops and told them the magistrate would fine them up to Rs 5,000, unless they bribe him. When they found out the had been conned, the traders held a protest outside Lahore Press Club and threatened to go on a strike. (Express, November 27, 2014).

Tax data disappears from computers 


Reported in Dunya (November 28, 2014) a large amount of data has disappeared from the Federal Board of Revenue’s computerized information system. The lost data includes details of the supplies for NATO troops in Afghanistan and Afghan Transit Trade.

‘Imran Khan should become election commissioner’


Quoted in Jang (November 28, 2014) opposition leader Khurshid Shah says the only solution to Pakistan’s political problems is to make Imran Khan the chief election commissioner, so he can conduct free and fair elections. We are ready to amend the constitution to make that possible.

Materialism and Indian dramas top causes of divorce


Dunya says (November 29, 2014) more and more women are asking for divorce in Lahore’s family courts because men and women value money too much. Women have started seeing a divorce as the only solution to their problems because of bad influence coming from Indian television dramas.

‘Loud lawyers have nothing to say’


Quoted in Nawa-e-Waqt (November 29, 2014) a Supreme Court judge observed during a hearing that when a lawyer speaks loud, judges understand he has nothing to say. Another judge added that when a lawyer brings a lot of books to the rostrum, he is compensating for a weak argument.

Men resort to gunfire when stopped from harassing girls


Jang reports (November 30, 2014) a group of men were teasing schoolgirls in Lahore’s Misri Shah area. A boy tried to stop them. They called 17 other friends and fired at the boy’s house with guns.

Prime minister’s DJ accidentally plays ‘Go Nawaz Go’


According to Nai Baat (November 30, 2014) the DJ at Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif’s rally in Hazara accidentally or mischievously (ittefaq ya sharaarat?) played the song ‘Go Nawaz Go’ twice. It ran for about five seconds both times before it was stopped.

Actress slaps man for catcalling 


Theater actress Huma Ali slapped a man who was catcalling at her when she was leaving Naz Theater after a rehearsal, Express reports (December 1, 2014). People intervened (beech bachao) and resolved the matter (maamla rafa dafa kar diya) and saved the man (khulaasi karwai).

Meera’s mother forbids her from going to Imran Khan’s protest 


Reported in Jang (December 1, 2014) actress Meera wanted to go to Imran Khan’s protest in Islamabad on November 30, but her mother did now allow. She had made banners and T-shirts with pictures of herself and Imran Khan and wanted to propose to him. Her mother took away the material and said there are many other girls Imran Khan would consider before her (bari nahee aye gee). Meera cried the whole day but her mother did not give in.