"Over the weekend, Jonah Hill’s ex-girlfriend Sarah Brady leaked a series of messages between the two, detailing alarming “boundaries” Hill set out for their now ended relationship. Hill allegedly (the exchange isn’t verified) explained that his needs for romantic partnership didn’t support Brady “surfing with men”, “boundaryless inappropriate friendships with men”, posting pictures “in a bathing suit”, posting “sexual pictures”, “modelling”, or “friendships with women who are in unstable places from your wild recent past beyond getting a lunch or coffee or something respectful”. Many of us have joked that this sounds like the perfect marginally unhealthy, slightly dissociative, completely autonomous summer. We could even jokingly argue that boundaryless inappropriate friendships with men are exactly what your 20s are for. But glibness, fun as it is, won’t staunch the coercive control bleeding out of Hill’s (alleged) words."
"By the logic of the messages, the devices women use to catch a man – flesh, flirtation, frivolity – are to be stopped once the man is snared. When a woman retains pride in her appearance, when she keeps her confidence and maintains friendships on her own terms, she reinforces her autonomy, her capability apart from her partner, and above all emphasises her position as not his possession. This is what the misogynists don’t like: women who don’t fall into submissive-adjacent roles. These debates are never really about bathing suits or boundaries; the guise of caring for her wellbeing is erroneous. They are about a woman relinquishing who she is for her man."
"We can get into the seaweeds of what surfwear is appropriate for a professional surfer: a bikini, a conservative wetsuit, Nigella Lawson’s infamous burkini? It does seem a little shortsighted to date a professional surfer if you’re not keen on seeing your spouse in a bathing suit in public. But location and usage aren’t the issue here; comparing the fashion with the functionality misses the point. It’s been said too many times to mention, but once sodding more for the men at the back: How a woman dresses is up to her. It doesn’t actually matter what she’s doing. It’s not right that if your skirt is longer and your cleavage is off show, you should feel safer – that your body is a series of triggers for predators and to flaunt certain parts invites advances. We’re still stuck in a cycle of near-constant sexualization of women’s bodies, whether at home or at work or on the beach or in an office or walking downtown, minding her own damn business. I was hoping we’d come further than nasty, put some clothes on, but we still seem to be monitoring women and their choices and clothes. I know I’m stating the bleeding obvious here, but it’s a woman’s prerogative to look and act how she pleases – within and without a romantic union."
Disclaimer: These are extracts republished from an original story published on Vogue, the full version can be read here.