Having egg on my face on account of various factors, I am now searching high and low (particularly low) for any old excuse to wipe the egg off my face. As you may suspect (like I do), the judicial commission on the 2013 election rigging is going in the right direction which is an altogether wrong direction for me. I now have to trump up new accusations and dig up fresh dirt.

Having failed to prove that the former Election Commissioner Fakhruddin G Ebrahim was in cahoots with Nawaz Sharif who was in cahoots with Najam Sethi who was in cahoots with Khalil Ramday who was in cahoots with the Returning Officers who were in cahoots with the police which was in cahoots with beggars (and choosers) who were in cahoots with the CIA which was in cahoots with RAW, I am convinced that there was definitely a Hidden Hand.

As in frequent headline news, “Hidden Hand Seen”, this is now my motto. I see hidden hands everywhere, and some in very embarrassing places. Inshallah, you will see many installments of my madness before I’m through. You will also see Shirin Mazari gently snoring in a corner during hearings of the Judicial Commission. You will see Justice (retd) Wajihuddin clicking his dentures and admonishing me about PTI’s rigged inter-party elections. You will see me raving and ranting about everyone and everything including the Election Commission, NADRA, Zardari, India, the US, Maulana Fazlurrahman, the PCB, PIA, Modi, Nawaz – everyone except the generals and the Taliban.

You will also see Reham with her dopatta delicately perched on the edge of her head. What a transition from scantily clad salsa dancer to Sati Savitri-cum-Nek Parveen. Did you see Reham and my selfie with Waseem Akram and Shaneira? Waseem nay pehlay desi ki, phhir gori ki. Mein nay pehlay gori ki, phhir desi ki …

Nothing to look forward to except the US presidential elections; all those candidates lining up … Sick Rantorum, Ritt Momney, Another Bush, Sir Edmund Hillary …

Im the Dim