Thanks to Her Holiness’ hocus pocus, I have successfully navigated an extremely dangerous time. Believe it or not, neutrality was in danger of breaking out. Horror of horrors, better sense was about to prevail. Had I not sent a timely reminder to No. 1, who knows what might have happened? What message did I send him? Well, I just sent him a Season’s Greetings card. In a beautiful khaki envelope with his name on it. And his address of course. The card itself was also utterly beautiful. With a photograph of a former No 1 – JK, good man. Nothing else. No inscription inside. No message.
It seems to have worked wonders.
I have also sent beautifully embroidered linen handkerchiefs to the Opposition. To wipe their tears. The one to BBZ is embroidered with his initials and a lovely cake on a cloud, and the inscription “Pie in the Sky”. The one to SS is embroidered with his initials and a bucolic scene from the English countryside with lots of sheep grazing on a hillside and the inscription, “Lambs to the Slaughter”. The one to MFR is embroidered with his initials and MBS handing him a packet full of USD, and the inscription “Fund A Mental”.
Her Holiness has advised me to change my title. It does not adequately reflect my power grab, fascist tendencies and wonderful authoritarian temperament. So, now instead of “Captain”, I am going to be “General”. I have instructed everyone to address me as such.
Having spent my working hours, 12 noon to 4 pm, so well for the first time in weeks, I decided to take a nap. Had a lovely dream. Hitler and Mussolini both came for a visit to Bunny Gala; they were so affectionate and loving – they both said they’d been following my career with great interest and had come to express solidarity with a fellow monster.
Im the Dim