SUCH GUP: One and only

SUCH GUP: One and only

One and only

Not far from Lahore is a district called Protector-abad. The local legislator, belonging to The Great Khan’s horde, invited Bozo The Clown to visit his area. Beforehand, says our mole, he made the demand that the entire district and police administration would be appointed at his command. Bozo digested the demand and made his own counter proposal. The provincial government’s secretaries knew nothing, other than that they were to consult Bozo’s office before assigning officials to Protector-abad.

So, the auspicious day dawned, and Bozo The Clown arrived at the time and place with his entourage. As soon as he took his seat on the dias, the local legislator presented Bozo’s assistant with a package. Immediately, reports our mole, Bozo turned to his assistant and asked him to unwrap the package. It was as if Bozo had been expecting it. The assistant was reportedly reluctant to handle the package in full view of the gathering but Bozo insisted. The assistant lurked off to a corner, opened the package and reported its contents to Bozo. Therein, in their original imported packing were two expensive Rolex watches – if our mole is to be believed. Bozo couldn’t conceal his delight, we’re told, and asked his assistant what the estimated value of the watches could be. The assistant said they must have cost between Rs 2 and 3 million. Bozo wanted to know if the second watch was a ladies’ one. Indeed it is, replied the assistant, to Bozo’s satisfaction.

What followed should be no surprise – the legislator got the district administration of his choice. Bozo couldn’t swing the police appointments because the department’s head honcho in the province is a conscientious officer. The legislator did think about asking Bozo to return one of the watches – on account of failure as far as police appointments were concerned – but was dissuaded from it.

Our mole says a chum of Bozo’s expressed mild disapproval at this watches-for-office business. Apparently Bozo was unrepentant; am never going to sit atop Takht Lahore again, he is supposed to have remarked with a smile, this is my one and only opportunity.

As luck would have it

Rumour has it that the late lamented Big Ben’s Hubby and The Man of Steel’s Talented Bro were supposed to meet of an occasion but that both mysteriously fell ill, as luck would have it.

Some people close to both sides seem to be “spooked out” by this coincidence of bad health. One aide to Talented Bro told our mole that he was convinced a spell had been cast! By You-Know-Who!

Dissenting voice

We heard a loud dissenting voice in Parliament the other day when the country’s wealthiest public representative spoke critically of his own Party’s governance. Since then, The Great Khan has assigned Chaudhry Einstein the task of appeasing him. Chaudhry Sahab has reportedly held a meeting or two with the rich rep and offered to redress “all grievances”. There are rumours of the rep speaking about neglect of his constituency but those in the know say he is only buying time. Time for what? So that he can better address the hand of friendship being extended by The Man of Steel? Looks like it.