According to legend, centuries after global warming has eradicated the human race, an alien race will stumble upon planet Earth. While walking through the remains of what was once Pakistan the aliens will find a cassette? What does this cassette hold? What will it teach the aliens about the thousands of years of human progress? The aliens will play the cassette expecting the one lesson that will tell them all they need to know about the world. As they press ‘play’ those five words are echoed throughout the universe…Yeh Bik Gaii Hai Gormint!
Aunty Gormint of Karachi, with her lovely choice of vocabulary, turned out to be prophetic at a Nostradamus level, at least for some in Pakistan – she said what we have all been thinking but have been too afraid to say. Yeh Bik Gaii Hai Gormint. The entire JIT report can be summarised into these five glorious words. What took the investigators months; they could have found this out just by watching Aunty Gormint on the internet.
The next big issue once we're done with Panama, according to the author - cucumbers
We are Pakistanis, we do not want facts, we trust our emotions and our emotions have always been the ones expressed by the voice of our generation, Aunty Gormint. The JIT cannot do more than just verify what all of us have already known. Pakistanis have known every single government that we have ever had to have been bik gaii.
We only have evidence for a few, but then again, who cares about the facts? Justice in Pakistan is a bit like marriage options for a young woman in Pakistan – very selective.
You can take the Nawaz out of the Prime Minister but you can never take the Prime Minister out of the Nawaz!
Now that the JIT has come out with its findings, perhaps we need to turn the legal spotlight on other stuff – like vegetable prices! Governments can be bought and sold at competitive prices, as Aunty Gormint knows, but we really need to ensure the cucumber prices remain in check and the clergy keeps informing us of the halal ways of eating cucumbers. Nobody cares about who sits in the Prime Minister house when cucumbers cost Rs. 500 a kilo.
With all the allegations now flying around – and so many people absolutely certain that they are true – the only thing that we can be certain of is that the next elections will most likely be won by the PML-N. Let’s not forget that in Pakistan, the more “guilty” you are, the more popular you become. Defending yourself from lawsuits is simply a rite of passage that you have to go through to get to the Prime Minister’s house. In fact, while we’re at it, I would like to be the first to congratulate Maryam Nawaz on becoming the second female Prime Minister of Pakistan.
Goods and gormints for sale
One conclusion from Aunty Gormint’s wisdom is that politics needs to be wrapped up in Pakistan – because all politics is about corruption, not representation. Small time corruption simply takes place to give you the requisite experience for when you have millions and billions to plunder. We have always known that government is bik gaii, we have simply learned to live with it and become bik gaii ourselves!
As history has shown us, you can take the Nawaz out of the Prime Minister but you can never take the Prime Minister out of the Nawaz. No wonder Nawaz Sharif is so confident about setting court for the public in the upcoming elections.
I cannot wait for Aunty Gormint to call the elections – Yeh Bik Gaii hai Elections!
