My biggest fear, apart from losing a loved one, is to end up in an abusive relationship. I understand that privilege protects one from abuse but it does not make you immune to it. One never suspects being caught in an abusive relationship until you end up in one -- and when there is no way out.
Estimates published by World Health Organisation (WHO) indicate that globally about 1 in 3 (30 percent) women worldwide have been subjected to either physical and/or sexual intimate partner violence or non-partner sexual violence in their lifetime. In South Asia these statistics become more harrowing. According to a research by PubMed, domestic violence victimisation among South Asian women was divided as: physical violence (48 percent), followed by emotional (38 percent), economic (35 percent), verbal (27 percent), immigration-related (26 percent), in-laws related (19 percent), and ultimately sexual abuse (11 percent).
Every week horrifying cases are recorded of women being subjected to violence, with more terrible and graphic details than the last. A year ago it was Noor Mukadam murdered allegedly by Zahir Jaffer in Islamabad, a month ago two sisters with dual Pakistani-Spanish citizenship, Aneesa and Arooj, were killed by their husbands in Gujarat, a week ago it was Nargis brutally killed by her husband who then boiled her in a cauldron in front of her children in Karachi, and yesterday it was Sania, a Pakistani Muslim shot by her ex-husband at her home in Chicago, US. All these women lived lives poles apart in different places and different circumstances yet their fate was so similar. Their names can change but they have one thing in common: abuse at the hands of entitled men in their lives.
Domestic violence is far too prevalent around us. Statistics show that in Pakistan alone 60 to 70 percent women suffer some form of abuse in their lifetime, and about 5,000 women are killed annually from domestic violence, with thousands of other women disabled.
Women are more prone to violence in societies that lack power balance. However, in the South Asian countries, the male partner always has certain powers over the other. This power imbalance begins early in their life -- when male-child is given preference over girl-child, girls are not given equal opportunities for learning and growth -- and when one parent overpowers the other. It is indeed this male entitlement which becomes the root cause of domestic violence.
Girls are taught to be subservient to their families and partners. So, if intimate partners subject them to abuse they are unable to identify it. Even if they recognise abuse and want to escape it, they have to overcome many barriers.
The greatest reason for women staying in a toxic cycle of abuse is the lack of support from family, friends and community. They believe divorce is never a viable option. The Power and Control Wheel Theory refers to tactics used to keep victim in abusive relationships by using intimidation, victim-blaming, isolation, economic abuse, coercion, emotional abuse and in most cases children.
The saddest fact is that we are all bystanders of this abuse. For any marital relationship to be successful, women should be on the compromising end. The woman’s parents are concerned more about their family name than the security of their daughter. She is pushed into a never-ending grind of sufferings.
To end abuse and violence in our society we must begin at home. We must teach our children what healthy boundaries are, both emotional and physical. We need to stop differentiating between boys and girls. Male entitlement should be discouraged. Our daughters need to know that their family has their back no matter what. Parents need to realise that a divorced daughter is better than a dead one.
Emotional and financial independence must be encouraged to ensure equal marital partnership. We must believe the victim, stand by her and become her voice.
Estimates published by World Health Organisation (WHO) indicate that globally about 1 in 3 (30 percent) women worldwide have been subjected to either physical and/or sexual intimate partner violence or non-partner sexual violence in their lifetime. In South Asia these statistics become more harrowing. According to a research by PubMed, domestic violence victimisation among South Asian women was divided as: physical violence (48 percent), followed by emotional (38 percent), economic (35 percent), verbal (27 percent), immigration-related (26 percent), in-laws related (19 percent), and ultimately sexual abuse (11 percent).
Every week horrifying cases are recorded of women being subjected to violence, with more terrible and graphic details than the last. A year ago it was Noor Mukadam murdered allegedly by Zahir Jaffer in Islamabad, a month ago two sisters with dual Pakistani-Spanish citizenship, Aneesa and Arooj, were killed by their husbands in Gujarat, a week ago it was Nargis brutally killed by her husband who then boiled her in a cauldron in front of her children in Karachi, and yesterday it was Sania, a Pakistani Muslim shot by her ex-husband at her home in Chicago, US. All these women lived lives poles apart in different places and different circumstances yet their fate was so similar. Their names can change but they have one thing in common: abuse at the hands of entitled men in their lives.
Domestic violence is far too prevalent around us. Statistics show that in Pakistan alone 60 to 70 percent women suffer some form of abuse in their lifetime, and about 5,000 women are killed annually from domestic violence, with thousands of other women disabled.
Women are more prone to violence in societies that lack power balance. However, in the South Asian countries, the male partner always has certain powers over the other. This power imbalance begins early in their life -- when male-child is given preference over girl-child, girls are not given equal opportunities for learning and growth -- and when one parent overpowers the other. It is indeed this male entitlement which becomes the root cause of domestic violence.
The Power and Control Wheel Theory refers to tactics used to keep victim in abusive relationships by using intimidation, victim-blaming, isolation, economic abuse, coercion, emotional abuse and in most cases children.
Girls are taught to be subservient to their families and partners. So, if intimate partners subject them to abuse they are unable to identify it. Even if they recognise abuse and want to escape it, they have to overcome many barriers.
The greatest reason for women staying in a toxic cycle of abuse is the lack of support from family, friends and community. They believe divorce is never a viable option. The Power and Control Wheel Theory refers to tactics used to keep victim in abusive relationships by using intimidation, victim-blaming, isolation, economic abuse, coercion, emotional abuse and in most cases children.
The saddest fact is that we are all bystanders of this abuse. For any marital relationship to be successful, women should be on the compromising end. The woman’s parents are concerned more about their family name than the security of their daughter. She is pushed into a never-ending grind of sufferings.
To end abuse and violence in our society we must begin at home. We must teach our children what healthy boundaries are, both emotional and physical. We need to stop differentiating between boys and girls. Male entitlement should be discouraged. Our daughters need to know that their family has their back no matter what. Parents need to realise that a divorced daughter is better than a dead one.
Emotional and financial independence must be encouraged to ensure equal marital partnership. We must believe the victim, stand by her and become her voice.