Ittefaq Nama

Ittefaq Nama
Look at horrible, woilent, aggressive Shiv Sena of India. Reminds me of horrible, woilent, aggressive Jaish-e-Muhammad of Pakistan. Oops! Look at intolerant, bigoted, arrogant Narendra Modi. Reminds me of intolerant, bigoted, arrogant Zia ul Haq. Oops! Look at fanatical, xenophobic, chauvinistic India. Reminds me of fanatical, xenophobic, chauvinistic Pakistan. Oops! Anyway, we’ve succeeded. India is becoming Pakistan.

Naxt enemy of Shiv Sena will be all the Italian business families that live in Bombay – Ambani, Shivdesani, Jethmalani, Balchandani. They are all cousins of Giancarlo Gianni, Salvatore Balthazani, Benito Mussolini, Pizza Salamiani, Roza Iftariani, Mehnatkash Kissani, Kyonmenu Marani and Dafa Hojani.

I’ve been to Washington DC to see President Obama. When I arrived at White House (at least Obama should have renamed it Black House), a guard of horror was lined up to greet me. I inspected the battalion, with their chests puffed out, guns at the ready and Obama made brief speech from the podium: “We have a new enemy …. it is climate change”. Battalion wilted. I wonder why.

Obama then took me to the Oval Office. He said he wanted to ask me some straight questions to which he wanted truthful answers. I said “Of course, Your Highness”. He asked me, “are you a very, very clever man pretending to be an idiot?” I answered truthfully and said “no”. Then he asked, “Where is the capital of Pakistan?” I answered truthfully and replied, “in Swiss banks”. Then it was my turn to ask him a straight question, deserving a straight answer. “What do you think of Imran Khan?” I asked President Obama. “He’s the only man I know who immatures with age”, he replied.

Satisfied with answer, I went to rest at Four Season’s Hotel. But President Obama did not leave me. He called while I was very busy. “What’re you doing?” he asked. “My therapist has told me that if I want to feel great, I have to finish what I start. So far, I’ve finished a triple cheeseburger meal, a chocolate fudge cake and am currently eating apple pie a la mode and feeling much better already”.