SUCH GUP: For love or money

SUCH GUP: For love or money

For love or money

Farmers all over the country are bemoaning shortages of fertilizer and other agricultural inputs. The Great Khan’s government, in its wisdom, has committed yet another blunder and failed to plan ahead for a crisis that was clearly looming for months. Following inflation in global fertilizer prices, the government failed to stop smuggling to Afghanistan. This led to hoarding, shortages and price inflation. The problem is that the wheat crop requires inputs at precisely this time – and there are none to be had for love or money.

The tragedy is that successors of those who once held up the steel frame of Empire, are raking it in over the controlled sale of fertilizer, and benefiting from farmers’ desperation. Corrupt bureaucrats across the land have access to this limited commodity and are distributing it at their discretion – a massive opportunity for graft if ever there was one!

Don’t be surprised if the domino effect of this fertilizer shortage impacts wheat production – and results in more smuggling, hoarding, wheat shortages and price inflation.

Feeling the heat

Some high and mighty personages must really be feeling the heat, for they have granted themselves highly coveted weapons licenses, if our mole is to be believed. Amongst this august company, we hear, are a former head of the spooks, several of those who minister to The Great Khan and none other than Bozo The Clown, who sits atop Takht Lahore. Bozo, rumour has it, has acquired licenses not just for himself but for his circle of friends and rellies, foremost amongst whom are those who enjoy proximity to Her Holiness. Lest we forget, Bozo The Clown sits atop Takht Lahore at the pleasure of Her Holiness.

Cool it!

The buzz is that at a recent event, Sheeda Tully was heard waxing eloquent about our “all-weather friend and constant ally” – and how he was rushing off to meet The Great Wall’s emissary to apprise him of precisely these sentiments. Following this, rumour has it, No 1 told Sheeda to cool it. There’s no need to frequent The Great Wall’s outpost in our capital city, he was told, and kindly stay away from the honourable envoy. Why, you might well ask. Well, isn’t it obvious? We’ve been trying to repivot to the West for ages. Without much success, it has to be said, but it’s not for lack of trying!