I’m sick of all this noise about Nawaz Sharif. How am I to blame for his declining health? Am I the doctor? Am I the judge? Am I the Chairman? Am I the Chief? I’m just his jailer, that’s all I am. And all this irritation so soon after my blissful trip with Wills and Kate. They hit the spot after such a long time of living with Brown Sahibs and buffoons. I have a weakness for the British upper classes. I must’ve been Lord Burke-Nazi of Zamparkshire in a previous life. And I’m loving my role as Great Statesman Striding The International Stage. I get to rub shoulders with SUCH important people whereas before I used to rub shoulders with suntan lotion.
I put on my best plummy accent for Wills and Kate. They were impressed. “Listen, Your Royal Highness”, I said to Wills waiving my hand with the ring, and then I forgot what I had to say. He kept looking at me. I turned around to Kate and asked, “do you remember what I had to say?” She seemed too preoccupied with something invisible sitting in her lap – there are so many invisible beings in this world, according to Her Holiness – to answer my question. So I just said, “what’s it like waiting to be king?” Wills replied, “You tell me”.
Then I asked Kate, “do you remember what I had to do after asking these questions?” She just beamed her brilliant smile and said nothing. You know what a Perfect Princess she’s become. She never complains, never explains. I wish Other People would take a leaf out of her book. I’m not saying who.
Wills finally uttered some non-waffle: “You seem a bit distracted,” he said. I sighed and drank a jug of banana milkshake without offering it to anyone else. “My problem is that there’s a room in the Pakistan High Commission in London with a portrait of me and former PMs. Could you please get Nawaz Sharif’s picture removed from there?” Something strange happened after my profound request. Everyone’s jaws fell.
Im the Dim
I put on my best plummy accent for Wills and Kate. They were impressed. “Listen, Your Royal Highness”, I said to Wills waiving my hand with the ring, and then I forgot what I had to say. He kept looking at me. I turned around to Kate and asked, “do you remember what I had to say?” She seemed too preoccupied with something invisible sitting in her lap – there are so many invisible beings in this world, according to Her Holiness – to answer my question. So I just said, “what’s it like waiting to be king?” Wills replied, “You tell me”.
Then I asked Kate, “do you remember what I had to do after asking these questions?” She just beamed her brilliant smile and said nothing. You know what a Perfect Princess she’s become. She never complains, never explains. I wish Other People would take a leaf out of her book. I’m not saying who.
Wills finally uttered some non-waffle: “You seem a bit distracted,” he said. I sighed and drank a jug of banana milkshake without offering it to anyone else. “My problem is that there’s a room in the Pakistan High Commission in London with a portrait of me and former PMs. Could you please get Nawaz Sharif’s picture removed from there?” Something strange happened after my profound request. Everyone’s jaws fell.
Im the Dim