Ittefaq Nama

Ittefaq Nama
I am changed man, meray aziz humwatno, after tragic Peshawar incident. I have resolved that we are now going to definitely take on the terrorists and destroy them. Definitely. Definitely maybe. Inshallah. Perhaps pukka. You will see, by God’s will and sort of firm resolve of political and military leadership of fractured state of Pakistan. Slightly firm resolve. Or should I say, almost firm resolve, hain ji? There is no doubt that these Taliban are barbarians. They are a criminal network. They are behind kidnapping of people also. Sometimes they keep people as ostriches until ransom is paid. Where they keep them, we hear from escapees, are like consternation camps of Nazis where they kept Jews.

This mindset has destroyed peace of our land. We are all brothers and sisters. On occayion of Christmas, I gave such a nice, sweet speech about all of us being same to same. I said even mosques are like churches and other places of worship. Only difference is that roof of mosque is doomed, unlike church which has poking roof. I have been saying these sweet things so that no pogroms against Christians take place during Christmas holidays. Afsos (sorrow) that total of holidays is only two, sadly. Total is when you add up all the numbers and the remainder is the animal that pulls Santa Claus on his sleigh.

For Christmas, American ambassador asked us to see Nativity Play at embassy. In the play, His Excellency played the main prat. British High Commissioner had a minor prat and I told him that next year he must have the main prat because Britishers are batter actors than Americans. All diplomats present spoke of time of reckoning for Pakistan. They said it was now or never. To show off my knowledge I said, “what a pity we don’t have a Joan of Arc. She was great lady who was burned as a steak.”

The Danish ambassador started laughing, “Well, what do you know!” he exclaimed and laughed and laughed. “Excuse me, Excellency”, I said, “I know a lot. The Danish are from Denmark. The Norwegians are from Norway. And the Lapdancers are from Lapland.”