Wishful thinking

The more powerless you are, the more you believe in conspiracy theories. One theory that’s doing the rounds in The Great Khan’s horde is that their nemesis, The Man of Steel’s heir apparent will soon leave for Her Majesty’s realm and not return in a hurry. Sources close to the conquering heroine say that she has no such plans and this kind of conjecture on the part of her detractors is nothing more than wishful thinking.


Quite apart from the chronic infighting in the ruling party, which the Sheikh of Lal Haveli has to deal with as part of his job, he’s combating his own demons on his flanks. There’s the Shah he displaced for one, who has been slighted one too many times. There’s Chaudhry Einstein who The Sheikh thinks covets his job. And the most serious detractor of all is The Khan’s accountability tsar. So it is that The Sheikh retreats into sulking mode from time to time.

But that is not all that immobilises him. He seems to have added to his bulk of late, to the extent that on a recent trip to Gwadar, it was apparent for all to see. The Sheikh, upon landing at the airport, asked for a car to be sent to the tarmac so that he didn’t have to walk the 200 meters or so to the arrivals area. Obsequious officials rushed to his aid and sent a car to ferry him. From the arrivals lounge, The Sheikh was driven to his meeting venue. When his work was done, he asked for the same car to drive him back to the plane. Unfortunately, the car wasn’t immediately available but an ambulance was. Not one to stand on ceremony, The Sheikh gamely got into the ambulance and was taken to the aircraft.

No need

Believe it or not, Pakistan’s COVID vaccination program is a victim not so much of the usual government incompetence as it is of the notion that there’s “no need” to import the vaccine. The Khan has apparently discussed this with his advisors, and their retort is that the infection rate is “so low” in Pakistan, that it does not merit special importation of the vaccine. The best policy, they say, is to wait for “donations” from the WHO and China.