Usually, I prefer to live my life based on a zero-expectations policy. It somehow makes life more interesting. Like, the slightest surprise makes me happy, and sometimes, people surprise me. For instance, this one time, my friend was giving me a ride to this lunch we had to attend. She was lighting a cigarette in a moving car and wasn’t exactly driving properly. Now, I’m the kind of person who drives in Lahore with her seatbelt on and is always very cautious of men on motorbikes. For some reason, they always overtake me from the left when I indicate that I’m about to turn left. I honestly don’t understand the logic behind this, but it always happens.
Anyway, my friend was driving poorly and I was giving her a hard time about it. To make matters worse, we were both wearing huge dupattas on our heads to protect us from the blazing sunlight (modesty and skincare go hand in hand, ladies), and I must confess, our vision was sort of compromised. In all the commotion, my friend crossed lanes without prior notice and almost banged into these dudes in a Cultus. They honked and one of them stuck his hand out. I was expecting him to flip a bird and teach her a lesson, but instead he just gave her a thumbs-up. That caught me by surprise. I guess the sight of aunties smoking in cars is more commendable than good driving in Lahore.
The author operates on a 'No Expectations' policy
I've been running my fashion empire for a few years now, and I've never paid taxes
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“Sherdil is loaded and he’s so nice too”, Sanam chirped. “He’s a landlord’s son!” I exclaimed, rolling my eyes. “I’m never going to get along with him. He’s probably super dumb and lazy and I bet he’s more narrow-minded than my grandmother.” “Come on! You’re the only single one left. Give him a try,” Sanam said, looking straight into my eyes. Reluctantly, I accompanied her to the GT, expecting nothing more than a mediocre time - a few drinks, a bad encounter and more people to make fun of. To my surprise, Sherdil was a breadth of fresh air. He was dressed immaculately from head to toe, but nothing flashy - you could tell he wasn’t new money. He was cultured and polite and, most importantly, he had ambition. He spoke about being an environmentalist, and how he had instituted a ‘no littering’ policy at his village. He also spoke about his love for nature and farming, and soon convinced me that I may have been too quick to judge. To top it all off, Sherdil was a modern man. He had graduated from NYU and, as I later found out, his girlfriend was usually found in mini dresses and the company of other men. Oh well, all the good ones are always taken!
Armed private guards accompany Pakistan's one percent on their journeys across town
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It’s kind of funny how the laws of driving in this city have remained blurry after all these years. I always manage to cry myself out of a ticket and, like I’ve mentioned before, I never got a Driver’s License made. Some of my friends drive around with armed guards, and they never seem to have any trouble at security checkpoints. Please note that I’m not complaining. I absolutely love how the one percent has started to dictate the laws that affect our daily lives. It’s not just driving, you know. Top secret: I’ve been running my fashion empire for a few years now, and I’ve never paid taxes. I didn’t even register or anything. I just woke up one day and created a Facebook page. Just. Like. That. A friend of mine sells jam in Canada from her home, and it took her like 4 months to get registered or whatever. The perks of living in this city are beautiful.
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Sherdil had spent most of his life between Lahore and his village. In fact, he spent at least a week every month there, taking care of his lands, managing administrative affairs, and ensuring that the schools were functioning properly and that his people were happy. During these trips, he would always make his way through the corn fields to a little patch of barren land, where he would lie for hours thinking about life and all he had to accomplish. On this day, the weather was perfect. Sherdil could feel the sun on his face and the breeze in his hair. Lying flat on his back, he felt grounded and secure and at peace with nature - his one true love. He loved the smell of the earth, the sound of raindrops pit-patting on the rooftop of his old home, and the noise of children chirping in his mother tongue Punjabi. He thought about how much cleaner his land was after his guards had publicly beaten a man for littering on the streets. He thought about the recent influx of terrorist attacks on children, and how citizens all over this country should be given AK-47’s so they can shoot terrorists on sight should something like this happen. He thought about the safety of his future kin - he planned to have many children, an equal number from each wife, depending on how many women he would be blessed enough to support later in life. Sherdil could spend hours here alone with his thoughts, but he had to move on and hustle. It was time for his monthly hunting expedition.
