See! This is exactly what I was trying to tell Mr Modi, if only he would take my call. The Indians were thinking that in reply to their attempted annexation of Ladakh, the Chinese would retaliate by releasing patriotic songs and making speeches, as we did when they annexed Kashmir. Not all neighbours are as nice as us. The Indians should appreciate us much more than they do.

Having said that, I am now bringing about a revolution in Pakistan, like the French Revolution. Do you know about this great event? It took place at 1789 hrs in Paris on May 5. I’m told everyone hated this guy called Louis Vuitton and his wife Marie Vuitton who said that people must consume cake instead of coke. And they were really callous uncaring rulers. Taking a leaf out of their book, I went to Nathia for Eid instead of condoling with the families of the PIA air crash victims. In my absence, I heard that the people are revolting. Of course they are. Totally revolting and smelly and awful. Which is why I’m now going to do a revolution.

First step: imprison Shahbaz Sharif etc in our own version of La Bastille which is NAB lock up at Tocquer Ne’as Bague (which is Thokar Niaz Beg in French).

Followed by taking Chahide Khauquan Arabesque (which is Shahid Khaqan Abbasi in French) to a high security penitentiarie off the coast of Macron (which is Makran in French).

Then I’m going to take my former pet sucre barons (which is sugar in French) and hand them over to le djinns de Madame de Blanche Bourqua (which is the jinns of Madame White Burqa in French). After all of this, I will go and moniteur (which is monitor in French) la commentatrice and le commentateur (which is commentatresses and commentators in French) on the perfidious media. If they approve of my revolution, I’ll let them vivre (which is live in French) but if they critiquer me, I will immediately send them to MSR’s dojon (which is dungeon in French) and threau away le key.

Vive la revolution

Im le Dim