“We think sometimes that poverty is only being hungry, naked, and homeless. The poverty of being unwanted, unloved and uncared for is the greatest poverty. We must start in our own homes to remedy this kind of poverty”—Mother Teresa
No matter how much we in the East, curse the West for its so-called ‘perversity’ and ‘permissiveness’ just because they deviate from the way we have been programmed in accordance with our religious ideologies and cultural values, we cannot deny one thing—their ability to diagnose, admit and document prevailing social ills. On the other hand, we like to pose ourselves as saints and best among the best with our societal problems on account of irresponsible propaganda of certain vested interest groups. In short, any deviant behavior is attributed to Satan who seems in full control of our evilness and compels us to act sinfully.
Perhaps this is the reason we have never been able to run diagnostic tests to find out the reasons that lead to crimes, corruption, and unethical standards that are in full practice, though casually dismissed. Whereas, there are specialised units in the West’s crime agencies that have successfully profiled criminals thus managing to nab serial killers, etc. by predicting their movement in accordance with the evidence available at the crime scenes, in our case, the majority of the felonies go unpunished for our inability to capture the culprits. According to various research conducted in the West, in addition to a host of other reasons, broken homes are considered a high-risk factor for crime and delinquency.
What exactly are broken homes and families and what makes a person behave in a manner that hurts the social fabric? According to a paper published in the Journal of Criminal Justice Volume 41, in 2013: “Traditionally, a common theme in many criminological theories is the important role of the family in socialising children (Hirschi, 1995, Farrington, 2010). When families do not socialise their children or when families break apart, the negative effects that may emerge will involve both the adults and the children, especially if there is continued conflict between them (Thornberry et al., 1999).”
The relationship between family members has been highlighted with the view that breakdowns usually follow problems that are in nature financial, emotional, attitudinal, or all together, that surface long before an actual divorce or separation occurs. Since the West mostly has nuclear families, the belligerent parties are predominantly the parents therefore conflicts ensuing as a result of these difficulties are bound to have negative effects on the immature, younger lot in the family who may experience inconsistent parenting, reduced affection, attention, and warmth. These deprivations are predictive of later delinquency.
In our milieu, the concept of family is much different and includes grandparents, uncles, and aunts with conflicts arising sometimes not only between parents but other relatives too which may be in the form of minor tiffs but can magnify into bloody disputes as well. However, in the majority of situations, there is an outward façade that is meant to conceal these differences from the outer world.
We should undertake an introspection of our society where the rate of divorce may comparatively be much less but perhaps the rate of broken homes may be far greater than that of the West
Children who grow up in such situations are definitely affected but are constrained to bear their bitterness silently. To make things worse, since divorce and separation are accompanied by a stigma, these relationships are forced to endure till ‘death do us part’ as no one is willing to take on the responsibilities of a divorced couple or their children. After all, “what will people say” becomes the main concern too.
The patriarchal temperament of our society forces women, in particular, to tolerate injustices, abuse, and violence in family matters. The West may have discovered the meaningfulness of a proper functional family and its healthy results on children and will at some time in the future arouse enough consciousness among people to ensure that they provide a congenial atmosphere at home to raise the young generation with proper values.
On the contrary, we refuse to admit our flaws and continue to mask our faults with an apparently intact mother, father, and kids set-up because our inflated egos prohibit safe and friendly outward passage for men or women who are unable to live together. Rather, we prefer to teach one another lessons for daring to mention the word ‘divorce’. There may be a strain of violence or court proceedings but the very idea of a break-up in the family is simply intolerable regardless of the negativity affecting the children.
“Narcissist parents don’t care about their children’s feelings at all. Only their feelings matter.”— Kim Saeed
Considering these issues, one wonders about the magnitude of dysfunctional and broken homes in our country and the adverse repercussions these have for the young ones and consequently, on the overall make-up of society. The deceptive appearances of our traditional homes have definitely far-reaching implications on our personalities and it would be a false notion if we just tend to ignore our reality and deride the West for its deficiencies. We must understand that family plays a pivotal role in child development but then why should there be any estrangement between adults?
Some of the chief reasons are abuse (sexual, physical, emotional, financial), mental health issues (usually denied and not treated), differences in belief systems (religious, political, or ideological), and lack of respect or tolerance, the crossing of boundaries in case of siblings or other relatives, overly controlling heads of families, refusal to apologise for untoward behavior insisting on one’s stance as the correct one, matters related to inheritance or property, etc. In addition to these, there can be tribal rivalries or generational enmities that inhibit socialising or marriages on account of which there may erupt conflicts that can destroy a person’s entire personality.
So, before we jump on the bandwagon of critics of the West and their lifestyle, we should undertake an introspection of our society where the rate of divorce may comparatively be much less but perhaps the rate of broken homes may be far greater than that of the West.