SUCH GUP: House divided

SUCH GUP: House divided

House divided

So, it appears Sheeda Tully signed the deal with The Mob last time they were on the rampage, and The Great Khan didn’t bother to ask and wasn’t told. He thought, with good reason, that he had outsourced it all to The Boyz, who were his guardian angels. Well, no more.

Now the government appears to be on its own, and Sheeda is crying himself hoarse saying the heavens won’t fall if we expel Monsieur l’ambassadeur. The FO is shocked at this suggestion, as are The Boyz because No 1 had given a personal guarantee to a high-level diplomat that nothing of the sort would be countenanced. Moreover, l’Union Europeèn has warned that if the government does anything of the sort, many benefits will be withdrawn, amongst them GSP+ status which gives the country’s textile exports preferential status.

It doesn’t help that The Great Khan’s horde is divided into many factions. Some are for The Mob and want to grant all concessions so that they can continue to enjoy their offices in peace. Others know the way of the world and are petrified at the thought of increased isolation. Yet others are looking at The Boyz for instructions but those are not pouring in as before. It’s a house divided in which the left hand doesn’t know what the right is doing. One high profile minister has confessed that he can’t predict The Khan’s behaviour from one hour to the next, so erratic has he become.

In our stars

All Pakistan has heard of the nuptials that took place in The Holy Land recently, between Her Holiness’ daughter and a Lahore Department Store heir. Once again, the stars had to be aligned before any decisions could be taken. The same stars have decreed that the bride and groom cannot yet go forth and thrive – they have to wait for an auspicious date next month for their “rukhsati”, when they will be free to go off together as man and wife. The same drama took place over the notification of the Head Spook and while it may be fine for human affairs to be run by a soothsayer but matters of state can’t be decided in this fashion.

Apparently, The Boyz have acquainted No 1 of the above in no uncertain terms.


We hear Her Holiness’ BF has absconded to a Middle Eastern Emirate with most of her ill-gotten gains, lest there be a change of circs. This lady has been a household name at Takht Lahore for the past three years, arranging transfers and postings of officials, oiling the wheels and getting things done – all for a price, of course. They say she shares her spoils as agreed but being a canny lady, she has read the writing on the wall, packed her bags and gone off.