Valentines Day Gift Guide 2017

Zara C. Churri has you covered if you're still wondering how to go about it

Valentines Day Gift Guide 2017
So, we all know that Valentines Day is a scam, right? The idea of celebrating someone special isn’t that far out, I guess, but the profit-hungry corporate world has taken this innocent idea and made it into a high-pressure monstrosity (do I sound like a hipster, yet?). Anyway, Valentines Day is around the corner, and whether you’re looking forward to it or not, it’s always nice to make someone feel special just for the heck of it. That sounds super precious, you say, but it’s easier said than done. You’re right. It’s tough to come up with creative ideas for gift giving, and I am here to help (your welcome).

For Her

Cook for her: Breakfast in bed may not be an option for everyone, and frankly, nobody likes to eat eggs on toast before they brush their teeth and wash their face in the morning. But you can always cook her a nice brunch, even if it is just to show that you’d make a fool of yourself to make her happy.

Be a man of mystery: Newsflash: women love surprises. Rather than just taking her out for dinner and then on a drive on the ring road, it might be more fun to plan a little scavenger hunt for her to take part in throughout the day. That way, you can lead her to a beauty parlour for a relaxing massage (major brownie points for this one), to Mall One for some dessert (this way she can gloat about her fab day in public), to a flower shop for some lilies (a classic), and then finally to that dinner and drive that are so essential to a good date.

Let your man know you value him...with a Godfather reference in your gift
Let your man know you value him...with a Godfather reference in your gift

For those serious romantics out there, who have somehow managed to find themselves in even more serious relationships, bling is the only way to go

Bling it up: For those serious romantics out there, who have somehow managed to find themselves in even more serious relationships, bling is the only way to go. Please don’t propose to her on Valentines Day (that’s super tacky). Instead, give her a nice bracelet or a pair of earrings to really make her sing. Also, guys, if you’re wondering whether or not to buy her some diamonds, just do it. The fact that you thought of it means that she’s way beyond worth it.

Vacate the city: If you can, take her on a vacation. Then buy her a handbag. ‘Nuff said.


Phone conversation between Bano and Zara:

Bano: Hey, what’s up?

Zara: Hi, nothing m—

Bano: I need your help. I’ve accidentally found myself committed to someone on Valentines Day and I need to give him something special—but not too special. Can you help?

Zara: Okay...let’s see…how much do you care about him?

Bano: I think quite a bit, actually. But not too much…

Zara: How much do you want him to think you care?

Bano: Hmmm…

Zara: Never mind, just go with my go-to trick. Buy a bunch of chocolates that have a foil wrapping, like those big bars of Lindt or KitKat. Take off their printed wrappers, go to Instaprint, and get customized stick-on wrappers made to cover the chocolates. You can do cool names and messages and everything!

Bano: That sounds like way too much work...

Zara: Yes, but it’s a perishable gift. So, even though you made an effort, you’re letting him know that it might not last.

Bano: Do boys think that much?

Zara: Well, it’s more for your peace of mind than his.


For Him

Lord it over: Buy your mister a plot of land in Scotland through Highland Titles (Google it) and make him an official Lord (he can literally change his name on his bank account to Lord Whatever after this and no one can stop him). You can choose from many different packages, it’s super affordable, and it’s probably the most endearing and creative gift you could give to your man. Just remember to remind him that you made him who he is!

Always keeping standards high?
Always keeping standards high?

The Godfather: Well, first of all, if you haven’t read/seen The Godfather, please read/watch it. Then, find yourself a stuffed horses’ head (as in a stuff toy) and transplant it (or have someone transplant it) under your mister’s covers for a surprise he’ll never forget. You can also give him a coupon book of favours to make him feel like The Godfather for a day (the Godfather deals in favours, FYI). Anyway, if he’s a Godfather freak, as most men are, he’ll appreciate your sense of humour and your wit.

Virtual Reality: If you’ve got yourself a gamer, invest in a cool VR headset (that you steal back from him later in the day). Check out the Oculus Rift for a transformative gaming experience, or go with the PlayStation VR if he’s a die-hard PS4 fan.

Adorn him: Jewelry isn’t just for women, you know. Buy him some stellar cuff links or get him a tiepin to polish up his black tie look.

Make her a romantic meal
Make her a romantic meal


“Oh, Valentines Day!” Madam Faiza exclaimed, adding sugar to her tea and lighting up her next joint. “You know, gift giving is an art. You must show your man that you appreciate him, but you also can’t give him something that’s better than what he gives you on this day.” Here, Madame Faiza paused to muse, and also to sip on her tea and puff on her joint. Then, she continued. “My suggestion? Take a risk and give him something nice. If he hasn’t got you something just as good, if not better, then make him feel bad about it until he buys you a handbag.”

Zara C. Churri lives in Lahore