First of all, Happy New Year’s everyone. I hope so everyone has nice times in 2018 and that me, Kulchoo , Mummy, Janoo – and I suppose Jonkers and Aunty Pussy also – have best times. (But Mulloo, Sunny and my sister in laws, Cobra and Psycho don’t need to have best times. They can have okayish times. Bus.)
Second of all, Janoo – who, as you know, is Oxford pass – has been saying that it is must that we all start New Year’s on the right foot. So at spoke of midnight I made sure that I was standing on my right foot like a cock. It was a little bit hard because I was wearing Jimmy Choo kay stilettoes and standing on Mahlia Lone’s front lawn – she and Isbah Hassan threw a tabahi party na – and the lawn was a little bit on the soggy side and my heel was digging in, but still I managed to balance only on my right foot. Bhai, where there’s a bill there’s a way, as Mother Andrews at the Convent of Jesus of Mary used to say. And I found a way. Vaisay, I am glad that I wasn’t wearing my black suede Prada heels because they would have been fanaa in the soggy mud and the bill to get them cleaned would have been astrophysical. But my patient leather Jimmy Choo kay stilettoes my Filipina was able to wipe clean the next morning with a wet rag. I just hope so she didn’t use her spit on the rag.
Unfortunately Donald Trump did not take a leap from my book about starting New Year’s on his right foot. Because next morning he attacked Pakistan saying kay we’ve eaten his dollars and not given anything back. Thanks God it was only a tweet and not a bombing, but still. I’m glad we fought back with a moon torh tweet. Honestly. What a fair whether friend. When I said this to Janoo he said that nations have interests not friends. As if I don’t know! With Mulloo and Sunny and all, I learnt that long ago.
Second of all, Janoo – who, as you know, is Oxford pass – has been saying that it is must that we all start New Year’s on the right foot. So at spoke of midnight I made sure that I was standing on my right foot like a cock. It was a little bit hard because I was wearing Jimmy Choo kay stilettoes and standing on Mahlia Lone’s front lawn – she and Isbah Hassan threw a tabahi party na – and the lawn was a little bit on the soggy side and my heel was digging in, but still I managed to balance only on my right foot. Bhai, where there’s a bill there’s a way, as Mother Andrews at the Convent of Jesus of Mary used to say. And I found a way. Vaisay, I am glad that I wasn’t wearing my black suede Prada heels because they would have been fanaa in the soggy mud and the bill to get them cleaned would have been astrophysical. But my patient leather Jimmy Choo kay stilettoes my Filipina was able to wipe clean the next morning with a wet rag. I just hope so she didn’t use her spit on the rag.
Unfortunately Donald Trump did not take a leap from my book about starting New Year’s on his right foot. Because next morning he attacked Pakistan saying kay we’ve eaten his dollars and not given anything back. Thanks God it was only a tweet and not a bombing, but still. I’m glad we fought back with a moon torh tweet. Honestly. What a fair whether friend. When I said this to Janoo he said that nations have interests not friends. As if I don’t know! With Mulloo and Sunny and all, I learnt that long ago.