To me, feminism is all about doing what you want, taking what’s yours, and making yourself as independent as possible just so you never have to do something you don’t like. So, in other words, empowerment. I’ve been a feminist for as long as I can remember. For starters, I was born more empowered than most women and men in this city, so I was automatically a feminist baby. I grew up doing pretty much what I wanted, including spending an entire summer on the ‘McDonalds for lunch and dinner’ diet plan, and expressing myself by wearing only the most fabulous outfits at birthday parties (a fashionable feminist never dies). I then moved on to attending an all women’s college and travelling the world without my parents, and I’ve always had a kind and compassionate personality.
These days though, I’ve been feeling less and less like a feminist. I haven’t done any work to help women in this country - well, apart from this one time I fired my tailor for being rude to his wife. I’ve also stopped doing a lot of the things that made me feel free. Like, my profile pictures are way more decent, and I’m always careful of the crowd at social gatherings. My wardrobe is so much more conservative (ugh!), and I can’t find anything to take, which is totally frustrating. It’s the fault of the baby boomers. They’re all old and weird now that they’ve had their fun. All they want is to get their feminist babies married. But I can’t blame it all on them. I kind of want to get married myself. And it would be really nice to find someone who could show me the rest of the world and buy me a Chanel at least on an annual basis. On the one hand, something like that could be totally empowering because it’s about making smart choices and living the best life you can, but on the other, it’s just not. Plus, I have to admit, I’ve been feeling kind of insecure about my line of work. I mean, I’m proud of what I do, but it’s heartbreaking to see how easy it is for other women I know to break into this business. And I know all of Lahore. Literally. I wanted to be special but I guess I’m just like everyone else ever.
The author considers herself to have grown up as a feminist
I was born more empowered than most women and men in this city
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Every season, the Lahore Grammar School Class of 200X reunites to eat, laugh, and catch up. This spring, we all decided to enjoy a nice lunch at The Lahore Social - it was time to compare all of our achievements, including those wedding rings some of us were now accustomed to sport. All of us were working and keeping busy in our lives, but no one was more accomplished than Saadia. She had never been part of my direct social circle, but recently, she had been the talk of the group. You see, Saadia had managed to actually do something with her life that was worth talking about. She had started her own NGO that collected funds for low-income madrassahs, and had recently delved into the world of event management for the needy. After organising a hundred charity events for deserving women, she had gained the respect of her elders and her peers, and had become an inspiration to all her classmates who were still stuck trying to make ends meet selling luxury items. At the end of the meal, I asked Saadia how she coped with the stress. “I smoke about fourteen cigarettes a day” she replied, “but I’m going to quite before I get addicted.”
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The most important aspect of feminism, in my opinion, is having a strong, patient, and acute mind. A lot of my gym friends have recommended meditation as a gateway to a strong mind. I’m sure it can’t hurt, but it sounds like mental torture. The worst thing about meditation is that you have to maintain a cycle of sobriety, or so I’ve heard. Every meditation adds to an aura of positivity, and every sip of X or drag of Y breaks that cycle. Therefore, the only way to successfully meditate is to commit to a lifetime of sobriety, just like the monks. Think of it in terms of Beyoncé and her Beehive. Every time you suffer through a track from Lemonade, you build upon your bubble of ‘feminist’ ambition and empowerment. You are required to diss Becky and support The Queen B in her decision to remain with Jay-Z till the very end, even though he may have been the one to mess up the entire relationship. If you happen to listen to a track by Rita Ora (a potential Becky candidate), your bubble will burst, because you might enjoy the beat and the music, and you may not be able to listen to Beyoncé ever again. It’s hard to stay strong, especially when the other side is attractive. Therefore, you must abstain.
‘Our children have strayed so far from the values of our nation’ remarked Saadia as she lit a cigarette
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Taking a seat at the men’s table at a charity ball she had organized, Saadia asked around if she could bum a cigarette. ‘I hope I’m not making you men uncomfortable’, she joked. She was greeted with a few weak smiles and a few uncomfortable gazes that were dodged at the wrong moments. ‘Our children have strayed so far from the values of our nation’, she said, addressing all the men at the table. ‘Wouldn’t you agree? When I was growing up, my father always taught me to respect my elders, respect my family name, and respect my religion. But kids these days respect nothing, and it is making all of them into cowards’. She then asked for another cigarette and simply walked away.
